I just fell in love, again.

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great, how great is our God

"In the morning, in my quiet time, I didn't feel like praying, so I just sat down and talked to God."

This statement really moved me, although, it's been slow to sink in after it first touched my ears. At first it was just a bit of irony that stuck out to me. Nothing important. Then it began to return to me at very inconvenient times, moments when I wasn't in the mood to pray, or to talk to God. It started to resonate with me more and more each time, turning into a reminder to talk to God no matter what or where I was; A reminder that God doesn't need us to use fancy "prayer words", he just wants to hear what his kids want to say to him. As I began to do that a little here and there, God began to show me a different side of him which caused me to fall in love with him even more than I was already. I had no idea I could be capable of loving Him any more. God is so amazing!

Now, as I sit down and read God's words to me during my quiet times, I'm working more and more on just speaking my thoughts out loud to him--to marvel at him, or appreciate him, or to ask him to reveal more to me, etc.--And as I do, I notice more and more how natural it begins to feel. I'm realizing my role as a child of God is not just to do the right things, take all the steps, say the right things, be the best I can be, etc., but to also sit in front of my Father's presence, and to feel my Father's love. Every time I am really still enough to know that He is God, I feel so spectacular, more than anything or anyone on this earth could ever make me feel. God is revealing to me my true existence; Not just his servant, not just a sheep following my Shepherd, but also his adored child whom he has blessed with grace upon grace, and love unconditional and everlasting. And I'm hooked. I find His love irresistible. When I feel it, I can't help but feel so small, and so great, at the same time.

"How sweet it is to be loved by you!"

To lose myself is to gain Christ.

"'Tis mad idolatry to make the service greater than the god."
William Shakespeare

I don't know anything about the thoughts in Shakespeare's mind which led him to make this statement, but I do know what thoughts are triggered in my own mind upon reading it. It's an interesting idea to think that even the most servitude-focused believers--all ages and phases of life included--can end up creating the nature of idolization within their ministries. Even those which began with the greatest of desires to be humble and serviant, and with the best motivation behind their actions, can fall into the impudence that is the mind-numbing Christian soul who has been lost to the cause of Satan's trickery through the use of the humanness of he or she. Somewhere in the shuffle we go from loving God and his people, and wanting to outwardly "do God's will", to misplacing God's will somewhere behind our own vision, and [sometimes] unintentionally we get trapped by our own ego or pride. Not that we walk around verbally bragging about the things we are doing, but that in our hearts we have begun to believe that it is in fact us who is doing any of it, rather than God in us. God is the one to instigate ministry, to plant the desire and passion in his child's heart, and to inflict the spiritual qualities necessary to accomplish every part of that plan. If we allow ourselves for one second to lose our understanding of any of those facts, even if we are doing something worthwhile, it is not with humility. And if we have no humility, we are forsaking our opportunity to be glorifying in our service.
What is the point of service if not to bring the Lord's name glory? He doesn't ask us to meet just the material and physical needs of this lost world, but also the spiritual needs. To proclaim HIS NAME in our thoughts and actions by doing HIS WORK. There is nothing about the call of living for Christ which is designed to comfort us, other than experiencing our God and knowing his love more each day. There is nothing about our serving others (as God designed it) that is supposed to somehow glorify ourselves. There is no room for feeling our ego in any of God's work, and as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be any room in my life for some other kind of work. I should at all times be ready and willing to selflessly be guided into whatever God has orchestrated, with faith--but not pride--in the skills God has given me, in order to bring His name glory. That's all there is to it.

God does not marvel at our work, he marvels at His work. In Genesis we see God's creativity, but we also glimpse his admiration for his own work. I counted six times in the first chapter when--as He completed each part of creation--"God saw that it was good", and once (after creating Adam) when "God saw that it was VERY good."  In Job 38 and 39 there is an amazing description of just how marvelous God's power and creativity is, and an obvious Almighty-ness in God's every word as he speaks about all of the things he created and controls. The fact of the matter is, we are nothing without Him. Our efforts are meaningless until we want Him to work through us, and then humbly present ourselves to him and our fellow believers as nothing more than a vessel of HIS power. Yes, we will share in Christ's glory, but only through his sacrifice, because of the Father's promise and provision, and by the power of the Holy Spirit. We have the chance to pretend otherwise, or to ignore these facts, because God has granted us permission to choose, but it is still God who holds the power to grant that permission, not us. He did not leave any room for another interpretation, He just lets us decide whether to pay attention to it or not.

To forfeit the opportunity of falling at the mercy of Jesus, to find the grace of God, and to feel the Power of the Spirit, is to flee from true life in the midst of a dying world. If we do not come to Him boldly, but with humility and obedience, we won't ever experience Him. To try living without God is to gladly be feeding your soul with the emptiness of the world, while constantly longing for the precious affirmation and fullness which can only be found in Christ's life. You can do good things in the world without loving God, but you cannot feel God's presence in your life by doing good things. Even those who are called Christians will never feel the life of Christ, or the love of Christ, if they spare any place in their heart for any other reasons behind their faith than to be falling in love with God and the purpose he has for their lives. By holding on to any thing else, you negate your attempts of godliness, and Satan will use whatever you are holding on to as a way of vacating your heart of all desire for God, and lead you into a desolate sense of loss. Nothing can ever remove you from God once you are his child, not even Satan, but Satan, knowing this, will do everything he can to at least have you be miserably dependent upon the things of the world rather than the heavenly and spiritual blessings God is offering us in our here and now. God will never forsake you, even if you forsake him, but Satan will send you into a spiraling mess of pride or greed, or many other things, rather than than watch you be happy, and content, and alive in Christ. He doesn't care how we lose sight, he only wants to be sure to blind us.

John Calvin once said, "Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if a man believes his own mind it is certain that he will forsake God and forge some idol in his own brain."

It's a little steep to sled down, but I think he's definitely on to something. As I read through and take in different parts of the Bible, I see a critical warning, over and over. If we want to grow in the Spirit, mature in our faith, and be useful to God, we must be constantly work hard to keep the right attitude, and guard our hearts and minds. It's not just because of the evil things of the world that might crash into us and change us, but also, mainly, because of what's already within our hearts and minds. God's warnings are not only because there is evil elsewhere, but because he knows there is already evil lurking within us. It's waiting to be unleashed by the slightest instance or the tiniest sliver of something other than what the Holy Spirit is at work doing, i.e., Satan's lies, or our own human nature. No matter what you think, it's not a once-in-a-while kind of thing, and we as humans are not "mostly good." There is a battle between flesh and Spirit that never ceases until we get to heaven; a battle that was being fought for our benefit long before we were even a speck on this earth. If we aren't careful with our attitude about our fellow believers, or the way we go about "tackling" ministry needs, or the way we worship on Sunday morning, or Saturday night, or Tuesday afternoon, then we are laying ourselves in Satan's palms, and he is ready to turn our lives upside down.

I heard this quote a little while ago and it comes to mind now:
"Your soul is the most important thing to be feeding. If you aren't, Satan is." And with what do we "feed our soul"? Truth. God's word. Scripture. Study it. Memorize it. Sit in awe at the beauty of it. Marvel at the power of it. Be mesmerized by God. Let it envelop you, enthrall you, capture you, seduce you. Do not allow Satan to disinterest you and prevent you from feeling God, and experiencing Him feeding your soul with his raw love and intoxicating grace. Once you have fallen in love with the God of the universe, there is no turning back. You will yearn for it more and more, you will seek Him, you will run to His word and long to experience Him more and more. It will transform your world, wreak havoc on your old habits, and inhibit the devil from ever again capturing your attention with lies. His presence here in my own life is a miracle, and I can't imagine that I will ever again be able to take him for granted.

A friend on facebook recently wrote this on his status, I don't know if he was the original author or not, but I liked the thought:
"It's easy to get caught up in what we do to the point that we want it to define us, when it should be God's redefinition of who we are that defines what we do."


What have I given up in order to become more like my Savior? What discomfort am I willing to experience in order to experience God? What have I done, or what am I doing, that is worthy to show Christ? Does my life truly reflect Him, and reveal Him to the world?

I believe there is nothing of more importance. I believe there is no greater success than to seek Christ with all my heart, strength, and mind, all the days of my life. I know that there isn't anything else on earth or in heaven that will ever satiate my soul. But do my actions and thoughts prove that belief as something that has altered my existence?
I yearn for God to grow closer to me, yet every time His presence in my life is evident, I shirk away in embarrassment, or any number of other awful things, and hide behind my mask of doubt and disbelief that God could really do what he says he will. Or maybe it's fear that He actually will. Because that would mean some sort of change in my world, some sort of discomfort. How can I be so selfish that I feel misguided at times because I have to face something inconvenient? How can I be so ungrateful for the miracle of God's life in mine, to feel like I should still be allowed to retain some remnant of that old life?

My prayer is that my heart would begin to lose the dark tinge of that old self as it grows lighter and lighter with the things Christ shines into it. That my life would begin to show how great and awesome my God is, rather than how feeble and pathetic I am. And that if I find an outlet for my God-given abilities and passions here on earth, that I would not forget the very reason I exist. God, please teach me humility. And please grant me joy in the steps I take toward you; the journey is not always smooth, but the traveling is worth the destination. Let me get lost in You all the time on my way. =)

Thought life.

 A friend of mine just wrote this letter to herself while I was in the process of writing this  entry. Upon getting permission to re-post the letter, I decided it would be an ideal opener to my blog.

Dear Past, Present, and Future Me:
I know that some days that you have rough days and some times on the especially horrific days you can feel hopeless and miserable without any set reason why. Well, I'm  here to inform you that despite having awful days, having a day where you can sit back and say "I love myself" is worth all of those stomach twisting hours of misery. You may not think so in the moment, but when you're feeling at your best you'll definitely understand it. Especially in a moment of strength, you'll feel at the top of the world. You'll make goals in your head and make plans to keep them. You'll feel empowered, and like you're worth something better than anyone could ever imagine. Picture this -- you're sitting on your couch basking in the dimmed light of your living room, a Christmas tree twinkling at your feet and your shadow cascading across the room and into the window. You'll follow this shadow and catch sight of your reflection and you. will. feel. beautiful. You are almost captivated by how neatly your hair wraps around your neck and makes you look graceful. You'll see your cheeks in your reflection, and smile a wider smile. You'll ignore your flaws and focus on what you should be seeing. It is possible, I promise you. It's how you felt when you wrote this letter to yourself at midnight on December 5th, 2010.

On those days where you feel like no one should look at you simply because your face is broken out, or your belly hangs over the waist of your jeans, know that you are still beautiful. You may not be perfect, but you have a wonderful personality and you have many people that love and care for you. You may even wonder why you ever felt sad, but it doesn't matter because in that moment, you'll feel beautiful. You know what? Sometimes, you're going to fail. You're going to get a B on a test, you're going to forget to text someone back, you're going to leave something at home, forget to feed the cat, or leave the laundry in the laundry machine over night. No one loves you less for it, not even your cat. Love isn't measured in the mass of failures you have but in the mass of your heart, and there is no question that your heart is an endless spectrum. But if you get caught up in your failures, you're going to miss a lot of life. So forget when you eat too many calories at dinner, forget that B you got on an exam, forget about how you left the left over pizza out instead of putting it away. Your life is far too short to get caught up in the small stuff.

So, instead of tearing yourself up on the small mishaps, celebrate all of the wonderful things you have in your life. In this moment, you are relishing in the accomplishment of knowing that all of your smart choices are finally paying off. You have a leadership role in your sorority, a stable and caring relationship, a good relationship with your mom and dad, a beautiful apartment, and countless friends who care for you. You made responsible choices ever since you could consciously do so, and the results are already beginning to blossom. Don't be so quick to dispel these things on account of not losing a pound at the end of the week, or not getting the highest grade in class. In the end, no one but you will know that you didn't accomplish those things. They'll remember you for what you did do, and that is care for them and be a positive influence on their life.

Life is hard, there's no doubt about that. You're currently in one of the toughest transitions of your life, but you're doing it gracefully and are an object of admiration. You're an intelligent, responsible, beautiful, and creative woman with endless potential. In fact -- you have a new goal to accomplish in the long run every day. Do you know how incredible it feels to know you can accomplish nearly anything, because there is no negative influence holding you back? Millions of people would kill for that ability, but they are hindered by some force beyond their will. Cherish that gift, and use it to its full potential.

I am proud of you for all you have become. I am proud of you for all of the things you haven't accomplished yet. You're going to be a positive contributor to the world everyday by some means, and that is enough to make you beautiful. The old saying goes -- beauty is only skin deep, and the most physically attractive woman can have an ugly personality that overshadows their physical beauty. So, when the times get tough, as the undoubtedly will, and you become distressed and discouraged remember this moment when you felt at the top of the world. Rain can only last forever, and in order to get the rainbow you have to endure the rain. Love yourself, and others will love you. I have faith in you.

Love, Me as of 12:30 in the morning on 12/5. (Kady Boyd)

I'm not going to lie--Sometimes when I'm alone, I talk to myself. I rarely have anything of real importance to say, but I say things anyway. I bet if you're honest, you would admit the same. Maybe you don't do it often, but I bet you have before. And we all know the things we come up with in our private thoughts. But even when I am alone, I wouldn't speak out loud half of the things I have thought to myself. This inward dialogue is one of the most intoxicating forms of ego-building deception, or sometimes, the most powerful and soul-searching honesty. With just a few words, you can lie or tell the truth. With just a few inner thoughts, you can feed your soul with either positive or negative; either love or hate.

One of my biggest misconceptions in life--and still an obstacle, even though I know it is a false idea--is the idea that I know myself best, and that my innermost thoughts are not heard by anyone but myself.

Yes, I said that right. You may think you are the person who knows the most about yourself, you may think no one else knows what you are thinking. But because of my belief in God, and because of what I know from the Bible to be true, these ideas are not accurate at all. The truth is that God knows more than we ever will about who we really are; God knew the intricate details of our souls before He even created us.

        You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
        Psalm 139:16

        Hebrews 4, verses 12 and 13 tell us, "For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable."

In my quiet times with God lately, He has been showing me so much of his personality and creativeness. I am often left speechless and completely in love with who He is.
One of the cool things about the word of God that I've recently been discovering is how there are so many instances in the Bible when God records personal thoughts of human beings, things they never actually spoke out loud. How can that even be possible if God is not able to know our thoughts? Therefore, it's pretty clear that God knows the things that are going on even in the spirit of our mind. To me, this fact leaves me awe struck. It's a little daunting to think about at first, and then it sinks in that God knows everything about me, and still loves me more than I will ever fully understand. It leaves me asking, HOW GOD? And WHY?

I'll write out some of the verses so that you can see for yourself:

    Genesis 17:17
    Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. "How could I become a father at the age of 100?" he thought. "And how can Sarah have a baby when she is ninety years old?"

In the verses leading up to this, God has just made a promise to Abraham that he will give Abraham and his wife Sarah a son which will have many descendants, and not only that, but Kings of nations among them. Abraham's very human reaction of doubt and only seeing the impossibility of the situation in his mind is not only heard by God, but also recorded in His Word. How foolish I would feel if I read a list of every thought of my own in which I had doubted God! But whether or not I can recall each of those times, or see them written down, I know God has heard them. Ugh!

    1 Kings 12:26
    Jeroboam thought to himself, "Unless I am careful, the kingdom will return to the dynasty of David."

This one is so cool to me! Because at this point in Jeroboam's life, God was restoring the very thing Jeroboam was trying to control. Even as God was powerfully at work in the nation which He placed under Jeroboam's short rule, while Jeroboam turned his back on God and believed that he [Jeroboam] was in control, God was listening to his innermost fears with care, and even recorded some in his Word. Another thing I myself am guilty of, and would hate to see a list of.

Esther 6:6
So Haman came in, and the king said, "What should I do to honor a man who truly pleases me?"
Haman thought to himself, "Whom would the king wish to honor more than me?"

When you read this verse along with the surrounding story leading up to and just after this conversation between king and king's official, it is very interesting. To catch you up, Haman is a power-hungry man with some very evil schemes, and he has recently been promoted by the king to be the most powerful official in the empire. So right now, Haman is sitting pretty with his head in the clouds and thinks to himself, "Who else would my king want to honor but me?" I don't think you could be more conceited and proud if you tried! But if you read the whole passage in context, you find out that the person the king really wants to honor is Haman's enemy, Mordecai. So Haman's pride and greed end up getting him into a very humbling situation.

There are plenty of other instances in the Bible when God records a persons thoughts, but this blog is already turning into a novel, and I have a lot more to cover, so I'll leave it with these three. So let's recap, of the thoughts shared above, what are the emotions and feelings behind them? Anything positive?  Nope. Human minds are filled with all of the above (Fear, doubt, pride, and greed.), not to mention quite a few other things.

I tend to believe that if I am kind to others, if I show love to others, but allow unkind, unloving thoughts towards myself, then I am not breaking any rules in the realm of "being a good Christian", or wasting my efforts in building a stronger foundation in my faith walk with God. As long as I am presenting Christ in my attitude to everyone else, it's alright to neglect the same attitude within myself. My thoughts are my own, and my self-talk is unimportant in my reflection of Jesus.

I have been hearing other peoples' stories of the struggles they are going through or things they have overcome, and the recurring theme of every person's most vivid and taxing gaps between the life they have/the person they are, and life they wish to have/the person they want to be, are their innermost thoughts; Our self-talk is more powerful--not only that, but also more dangerous--than we realize. It's addictive, and when unleashed, completely crippling. I see the evidence in my own life. Even if I had every other part of my mind completely void of all things negative, if I am still negative towards myself, I am missing the whole point, and seriously interrupting the process of ever becoming more like Christ.

In Ephesians 4: 22-23, Paul says "Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

In 1 Corinthians 13, when Paul poetically and profoundly writes about love, he doesn't specify only "love towards others", but states "love" in its entirety, to all, including the beholder, even if that means learning to love yourself.

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."

There is a second side to that second commandment, because in order to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself.
Jesus said it, so it must be important.

Think of it this way, God knows you even better than you know yourself, and HE loves you. So there's got to be a way for you to learn how to love yourself.
So take a little time each day to remind yourself of who you are in God's eyes. Write down or think about the things you like about yourself, talk to yourself and say something nice. Read 1 Corinthians 13 all the way through and ask yourself how often your innermost thoughts reflect that love towards yourself? And then work to change it.

Too much of a good thing.

"You shall have no other gods before me."

[The first commandment.]

I'm not a "list person", but I know some people who will write lists for pretty much any occasion. For whatever reason, certain things just gnaw at you until you write them down in sequence. So I've heard. :)
As every list serves a purpose--whether important information to keep in order, or just to clear the list-maker's brain of clutter-y things--I can pretty much figure that each list would begin with some thing from on the forefront of their mind; something of priority to them. After all, you don't just start with the shopping list with the things which aren't needed for the recipe you have in mind, or begin the to-do list with the least necessary things. You start from the basics, the needs.

Try to ask yourself for a moment, "What would be the single most important thing to the Almighty Creator, if he were to create a list of importance?" Would you attempt to design some glimpse of it with your own imagination?
Or would you assume just not think about it?

No matter. Lucky for us, God wrote those things down for us a long time ago, and they are just as true now as they were when he wrote them. We can define our roles, in regard to his greatest "lists" of direction for us, based on clear instructions from his Word.
To be clear, they definitely are rules for our lives, not mere suggestions. In the case of his commandments, for instance, it would be considered more of a "Things-NOT-to-do" sort of list.

God does give us a choice. Obey or not, they remain the same. He remains the same. His wrath and decrees also remain the same today as they did back then. You can disobey, but if you do the consequences are far greater, and deeply out-weigh, the advantages we may temporarily gain by ignoring Him. Sure, you can self-indulge and pretend He never warned you, but it remains the same that He has indeed warned.

In view of all of the above, how does this first commandment apply to a modern-day believer who isn't necessarily going out and creating or worshiping idols in their backyard, or joining a local cult?
I'm not putting myself on a pedestal by any means when I say that I am definitely not about to worship another god other than my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, or by saying that I honestly would never consider joining a cult.
Does that put me above a believer who has experienced or thought about either of those things? Absolutely not. But then how do I apply this in my life?

I'm not sure how certain this theory is, but it's my thought that in today's world, in our American culture, in my own home, there are more opportunities to commit idolatry than in nearly any pagan biblical culture we read about in God's word. Why? Because we have about fivehundredbazillion more forms of distractions than any of the people then ever did. Sure they had plenty, more than was good for them, obviously. But look around you; in my own living room (okay, technically my brother's house, so HIS living room) I see about a hundred things which I could easily become more interested in, at any given moment, than in knowing my heavenly Father more. How pathetic my human mind is. I can be so aware of God's goodness, I can understand for a moment my tiny grasp on how wonderful and great He is, and the next moment I can actually feel it all slipping away, because I am suddenly more interested in something else to satiate me instantly.
As Paul explains it in Romans 7:15, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

Every thing in this life can be used as a tool for good or for bad.
Some interests and desires have absolutely nothing wrong with them, until they become something we say we can't let go of.
Our gratification in this lifetime is so temporary and faint in comparison to God's kingdom awaiting us, and yet we can feel so enthralled with something that it consumes us.
In moderation, what you like, what you do, what you feel, what you think--with the assumption that it, whatever "it" is, does not disregard Scriptural truth--is certainly not bad. God is happy in our pleasure from every blessing and and opportunity he allows us to have in this lifetime. (Ecclesiastes!)
However, "God's voice will never tell us to engage in any activity or relationship that is inconsistent with the Holy Scriptures."  *Charles Stanley
Much attention to balance and discretion is required of us in order to fully appreciate & obey God's will in these things.

As with any good thing,
too much is never enough,
and too much of a good thing is never a good thing.

Idolatry, then, to the modern-day believer, is not in the simplistic and generalized form of golden statues placed on the mantel above a family's fire place. It doesn't stay with just a few narrowed down options; maybe a picture of a person's hero hung by the staircase which they look at everyday for good luck, or a clock in the shape of the sun, or a cow, or some random thing of nature, hanging on the kitchen wall, and to which someone prays on a daily basis, or any other form of superstitious imagery. While those things are by all means unnecessary, and even if they weren't, could very well become excessive--We cannot stop there and say, "I don't do those things, so I have never committed idolatry."

Look inside yourself and be as honest as you can about every thing in your life that consumes your thoughts, your heart, & your attention; is it all God-honoring, biblical, & self-less?

Not to discourage, but it can't all be. Our human nature won't allow it, and the Bible tells us that no one except God is righteous.

Idolatry in our lives could be, and is,

                                                                  anything.
                                                 Anything we put above, or before God.

People, relationships, friendships, habits you build with certain people, emotions towards certain people; these can be blessings in our lives, but can also blind us into reverence towards the wrong outlets of our adoration. Something that could be called "accidental idolatry", but in my opinion, holds us up to just as much responsibility as any other form of distraction, if not more
.
Passions, interests, careers, wealth, possessions, studies, intelligence--All can become consuming distractions in our life through personal greed and ease of comfort. (Along with billions of other things! ...Hey, what do 'ya know, I just made some lists.)

Matthew 6:24 says that "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Romans 1:18-32 is one of the best descriptions of completely inexcusable idolatry, and punishment of abandonment, indifference, confusion, and what seemed to be injustice to those being persecuted, based on that sin. It's a tough passage to read, so I narrowed in on one particular verse, which I felt sort of summed up the paragraph.
Verse 25 says, "They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen."

Colossians 3:5b says, "Don't be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world."


If at some point you would regard any of those things listed above (but obviously not limited to those things) as higher priority than building your relationship with Jesus Christ, listening to the Holy Spirit, or worshiping the Father, you have undoubtedly discovered how easily idolatry can find you, burn you, and blind you.
Idolatry is not just acts of worship towards objects, idolatry is attitude, feelings, and thoughts which are tinged with obsessiveness; Actions out-lined with disregard for God and more interest in self-desire than in changing into who God wants you to be. To esteem something you want, or want to do, as more entertaining or necessary than what God has already out-lined for you as appropriate, is to commit idolatry against the name of the one true God.

It is no mystery to me why God would warn us about this issue first on his list for us. He must know something about the tricks of our sinful nature, combined with the skillful tactic's of Satan, which even the obviousness of this warning doesn't show us. Maybe He's protecting us from the full-knowledge of it, or maybe we are just not capable of comprehending the magnitude of His hand in our lives in order to spare us from those conniving intentions Satan would have for us instead. Either way, to take for granted the simplicity of what God has offered us, to forsake his warnings for our own greed, is just about the worst move we could make. God is (or should be) the single most important part of our life here on earth. He doesn't share us, he doesn't want to or have to. He is the only God, nothing and no one else deserves our adoration more. One huge reason behind His command to have no other gods before Him is so that we will simply understand that He is IT. You don't need anything beyond Him.

He is my one and only.
    
                                Is He yours?


                               

Dust.

For something different, here's a poem I began to write some time ago, and never could put it together quite right ...until now.
Dust.

It is a daunting idea; to be oneself, but not.
Breath in lungs, but still not sure of life.
A star, a galaxy, a universe full; dust, rocks, gravity.
We are powerless.
I will never know how to be God's critic without the answers.
I know what man has taught, I know those laws and I can feel their proof,
But what can I do with that?
I can't move.

Bracing oneself against wind and rain and wrath and force;
I have been created thus.
We use nerves and tongues to curse You--
Braver than we ever should be--
Any of this could vanish because You choose to speak.
Why can't we see You in everything?
Everything, everything;
Dust, or salt, if You would just think it.

I have wrestled thoughts in magnitude,
to run, to hide, to be proud of who I am.
Excuses to sort through.
I am nothing without You.
Brick upon brick upon brick,
Walls to climb up, up, up.
But shattered, I fall on bruised knees.
And through cracks I feel the light touch my skin, my face, my hands.
Is this what they call grace? It is.

As my heart beats, as my lungs expand and decrease,
I could care less what else my existence means;
I have felt MY God.
Creator of all, Savior to all, Lord of my life.
Nothing my own mind or heart or soul could create or dream.
Heaven's light in my eyes, I blink.
Awake in a new way, conscious of my sin, but forgiven.
You call to me, "Child, come close. Be still and know that I am God."
I lean on You. I love You.
I know you are more real than anything else.

It is a sure mark of grace to desire more. ~Robert Murray M’Cheyne

Humans are creatures of comfort. What's more, we have even been given the potential to gain as much earthly comfort as we will ever want to seek on our own. It's a phenomenon in my mind that with all of our intelligence, technology, relational ability, our media, education and so on, that we should ever feel and suffer from mental and emotional handicaps such as depression and vanity. If your species is truly the greatest in all of those things, how is it possible that you should stop and expect anything greater? But still, greed sinks its teeth into our minds, and we begin to consider ourselves as entitled to more, rather than grateful for all that we are and all that we have. I am completely baffled that we should ever find it within ourselves to actually expect something better than what we have. Our species is the species of entitlement over appreciation, hate over protection, and excess over survival. It is in our greatest, and God-given, abilities of reason and emotion that we reach our greatest, man-accomplished, failures. It's astonishing that we could have taken something so perfect and then so easily and carelessly morphed it into a literally wicked existence, by choice.

I take it that the highest proof of Christ’s power is not that He offers salvation, not that He bids you take it if you will, but that when you reject it, when you hate it, when you despise it, He has a power whereby he can change your mind, make you think differently from your former thoughts, and turn you from the error of your ways.

C.H. Spurgeon

I'm wrapping my head around some recent thoughts on changing to become a better person.
I've come across some differing ideas on whether certain things about ourselves can even be changed, or if we are just permanently stuck with certain seemingly negative traits.
First we have to ask, "What are my negative traits? What makes them so?"
Then comes the question, "What would I need to do to change these things?"
And finally, "Can I do what is necessary?"

If a choice is what made my existence worse, than the opposite choice should be what can make it better, right?



I'm realizing through various discussions and hours of pondering on my own that the only possible way I can conclude that it's impossible to change ANYTHING about myself is through a filter in my mind which seeks comfort of self over truth. It's far easier to decide upon an answer which provides me with an eternal excuse of not attempting change--i.e., there are certain things unchangable--rather than conclude that the only thing between my current state and the possible change is that very excuse of an answer. It's my human nature to desire the "easy out" in this conclusion, but there is something within me that won't accept it.

I can't help but wonder what it is inside of me that provides me with the bravado to even hope that it's possible for me to change, and in doing so, curse myself with an eternal journey of always seeking the better choice in every situation, just to prove this conclusion of possibility as true. But does it take perfection to prove that change is possible? I don't believe so. I believe the place of proof is in each individual choice, rather than a whole perfection. It's not instant, it's not permanent. Our ability fades in and out just as our attention fades, and it's in our humility that we find it easiest to give attention to the things that really matter. The real proof exists in even finding this answer to start with, the hope of change that exists in one's heart is the very essence of the change; the betterment of oneself lies in feeling the hope for it. So where does my arrogance of hope come from? And is it really enough to cause me to seek out the change I find myself in need of?
In my personal prayer and research, I've come to the conclusion that the thing inside of me which is causing me to find myself worth the possibility of becoming something better, is Grace.

Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected.

 Jonathan Edwards

In the English New Testament the word "grace" is always a translation of χαρις (charis), a word that occurs in the Greek text something over 170 times (the reading is uncertain in places). In secular Greek of all periods it is also a very common word, and in both Biblical and secular Greek it is used with far more meanings than can be represented by any one term in English.*

Here are some definitions I found in a few different dictionaries (While there are many worldly definitions of the word grace from the following sources, for the sake of time, I am only referencing the definitions which are based on a Christian viewpoint):

Webster's New World Dictionary defines grace as "the love and favor of God toward human beings."
Merriam-Webster:1: Unmerited help given to people by God (as in overcoming temptation),
2: Freedom from sin through divine grace
3:A virtue coming from God

American Heritage Dictionary:7a: Divine love and perfection bestowed on people,
b: The state of being protected by God

Oxford American Dictionary describes grace as "The free and unearned favor of God."

If you'll notice above, the underlined words point out something about to whom grace is offered. It isn't every creature in creation which God has chosen to be a vessel of his grace; it's human beings. I don't feel arrogance because I'm in the only species God has blessed with the miracle of grace, I feel gratitude and awe that He would have considered this sort of salvation for us from our otherwise fleeting and disgusting lives here on earth, and even more so, from an eternity of punishment in hell.

Grace is God’s free and unmerited favor shown to guilty sinners who deserve only judgment.  It is the love of God shown to the unlovely.  It is God reaching downward to people who are in rebellion against Him.

 Jerry Bridges

I feel undeserving, as I should, that the Father would even blink once more in my direction after all that I've done against his name. Yet here I am with hope in my heart and unlimited power against the rulers of this world, including my own sin, simply because God loved me enough to pardon it all without any chance of repayment. He knows me better than I know myself, he knows all of my future mistakes that haven't even crossed my mind yet, and still he pardons me and blesses me with grace as if I am worth so much more.

[Grace is] the free and benevolent influence of a Holy God operating sovereignly in the lives of undeserved sinners.

 Phil Johnson

As I think on the reality of all of this, I am completely astonished about the presence of God, through grace in the form of his Spirit, in my life. But also, while not scared or nervous, I am more aware than ever of how much work needs to be done in my life, and because of this new realization, I have absolutely no excuse of why I cannot do any of it.

Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon.

 John Piper

One great paradox of the Christian life is that we are fully responsible for our Christian growth and at the same time fully dependent upon the Holy Spirit to give us both the desire to grow and the ability to do it.  God’s grace does not negate the need for responsible action on our part, but rather makes it possible.

Jerry Bridges

I believe, that the work of regeneration, conversion, sanctification and faith, is not an act of man’s free will and power, but of the mighty, efficacious ad irresistible grace of God.

C.H. Spurgeon

Taking it for what it is, I know that [grace] is not present in my life because of something I've done in order to gain it. So, I go into the next part of what it means to receive grace in my life (using it to change my life) knowing that it's not about what I can do. It's about what God the Father will do with me, because of His Grace, through the work of the Holy Spirit. And I'm so thankful it's not up to me, otherwise I would be literally, hopelessly, stuck in a very wicked existence.

Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines Him to bestow benefits upon the undeserving. It is a self-existent principle inherent in the divine nature and appears to us as a self-caused propensity to pity the wretched, spare the guilty, welcome the outcast, and bring into favor those who were before under just disapprobation. Its use to us sinful men is to save us and make us sit together in heavenly places to demonstrate to the ages the exceeding riches of God’s kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

A.W. Tozer

This is the glory and miracle of grace, that God, through the Holy Spirit, is able to transform a stubborn, rebellious, and unbelieving will into a passionate, obedient, believing will without violating the integrity of the individual or diminishing the voluntary nature of one’s decision to trust Christ for salvation.

Sam Storms

It's because of God's love, and despite my undeserving of any chance of change, that I have been given a chance at complete transformation.
And it's because of this chance that I must not ignore the things that need change in my life, regardless of how difficult a task it may be.
It's not an excuse to remain in my previously desperate state of wickedness.

Grace does not grant permission to live in the flesh; it supplies power to live in the Spirit.

John MacArthur


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Next book up on Julie's reading list is going to be:
Transforming Grace, NavPress, 1991
Jerry Bridges

*The Meaning of Grace in the Bible.

You believe in God, but do you believe in Satan?

As Halloween approaches, costumes in mind, I can't help but think about how our culture has commercialized wickedness into packaged treats and signature colors to commemorate the holiday which once held a much different meaning. (I won't get into the origins of the holiday because, frankly, I just don't care enough about it to even bother.) But all of this thinking on Halloween being sized down to nothing more than a night to dress up and eat sweets led me into my thoughts that ended up being the beginning stages of this blog.

If I say the name Satan to anyone, they know who I'm talking about ...sort of. They know the cheapened, watered-down version of who he is. They know the commercialized little red character with two stubby horns and a pitchfork. I find it quite remarkable that, while possibly at one point the name Satan made grown men tremble in fear, today, that image of him does little to strike even a sniffle from even the smallest of children. And I can't help but wonder, who do people really think Satan is? Do they even believe in him?
I don't know how theologians would feel about my next statement, or even how sure I am about its accuracy with biblical truth, but I think that belief in Satan may be just as important as belief in God. To know that God is real is one thing, to know that Satan is real is another. Knowing God can and should bring about all sorts of emotions; we should feel awe and reverence towards him, as well as love and peace in Him. But the knowledge and understanding that Satan exists and is very present in the world, should bring about much more than a sniffle or a tremble from us. Not only should we being alert to what he is doing or care to avoid him, but we should also be so utterly transformed by our knowledge that we can no longer take his name lightly. If you are a Christian, like me, you have no reason to fear him, but we should also not look upon the little red face we see in media and such without being jolted into our seat with the reality of what Satan's existence really means...


Then there was war in heaven, Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his angels. And the dragon lost the battle, and he and his angels were forced out of heaven. This great dragon--the ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world--was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,
"It has come at last--
salvation and power
and the Kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ. 
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth--
the one who accuses them before our God day and night.
And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die.
Therefore, rejoice, O heavens!
And you who live in the heavens, rejoice!
B u t    t e r r o r    w i l l   c o m e   o n    e a r t h   a n d   t h e    s e a,   for the devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time."  Revelation 12:9-12

"You were blameless in all you did from the day were created until the day evil was found in you."
Ezekiel 28:15

"A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. Lies make us evil."  Chuck Palahniuk
    

Satan.

He lied. He lied to himself. He called himself a god, he fooled himself into thinking that he was as powerful as the One who created him. In the first moment when his heart turned over from the angelic high priest that he was, into the dark fortress of deceit and everything evil, a war broke out. A war between God and devil. A spiritual war. And Satan with his followers, and God with his, go against each other without ceasing, even now. Although we followers of God are warned to be prepared and wear the armor of God [Ephesians 6:11-17], it's not a literal, physical battle line sort of war. In the sense of the battle itself, it does not take place with weapons like we generally think of in times of war; Satan is not on the line waiting to destroy or be destroyed. Instead, it would be more like him sneaking into our tents, charming his way into the thoughts of our soldiers. He knows that he will be able to bring down all of our forces, break down every tactic, weaken our defenses, with simple lies and stories. Satan is a schemer; a persistent, patient, plotter of evil. He is in our minds, in our hearts, in the doubts and fears we have; he lives in the cracks of our lives where we have not put God first.

"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it,
and eventually they will believe it."
--Adolf Hitler

I recently read a chapter in the book The Fight, by John White called "His Infernal Majesty", it talks about the devil's role in our lives prior to and after salvation. I want to quote some intense points White makes about our "relationship" with Satan.
Regarding us with the devil before salvation:
"...you may not have realized you had a relationship with him at all. Yet aware of it or not, his spirit was at work in your body (Eph. 2:2). Unknown to you, his deceptions obscured your thinking while his music inflamed your senses and influenced your will. ...his greatest skill lay in giving you the feeling that you were your own master."
(I love this next part, because a new favorite author [White] references an all-time fav. [Lewis]!)
"C.S. Lewis's remark that humanity falls into two equal and opposite errors concerning the devil is now more famous than the book (The Screwtape Letters) in which it is found. The errors, according to Lewis, consist either in taking the devil altogether too seriously or in not taking him seriously enough. ...He is equally delighted by an atheist, a liberal theologian or a witch. And he feels as happy with a Christian whose mind is preoccupied with demons all day long as he is with one who never gives them a thought.
But he is living and virulent. His supreme object is to hurt Christ and Christ's cause. You personally are of no interest to him. It is only as you relate to Christ that you assume significance in his eyes. Before you became a Christian he was mainly interested in blinding you to the truth of Christ or perhaps in seducing you further into his terrain. But this was not because of your personal importance. He only used you to get back at God. Similarly, now that you are a Christian his interest in you has nothing to do with you as an individual so much as with your potential for Christ's cause. To God you are very important. But to Satan you are nothing more than a potentially useful microbe. He and his hellions will damage you along one or more of four lines: They will tempt, accuse, deceive and devour."

If our war is on going, and it is, we should be constantly filling every part of our lives with our loyalty to the One, or the other. Now, I don't think that anyone who isn't incessantly seeking God is a follower of Satan, otherwise I myself would be considered a follower of Satan. I seek God daily, moment to moment some days. My thoughts flow towards God and his word frequently. I have memorized His word, I pray to my Savior daily, I desire and seek Him. I love God. But I still would be considered a Satan follower if the rule was that anyone who didn't perfectly obey God was to be regarded as "one of them" rather than "one of us." I haven't yet conquered myself so wholly, and let go of myself so completely to not feel the flesh part of me being tugged in all directions so as to distract me from my God. I am aware of this, and still I cannot, or have not yet, beat that part of myself. It's different as a Christian, because ultimately I am taken care of, yes. But Satan knows that even if our heart is in love with God one day, we can just as easily fall in love with all of the distractions around us the next day.

"Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."

"I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time…If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his from engaging God."  --Donald Miller

Miller mentions "habit" fairly generically, not specifying what the habit is, which I think points out an important message to the reader: It doesn't matter what is distracting us, it only matters that we allowed ourselves--by choice, not accident--to be distracted.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8



In my last blog I mentioned how incapable I was/am on my own, and how God instills within me the empowerment required to not only make it through the day, or this life; but how it altered my eternity. I also mentioned how some people believe Christians to be weaker rather than stronger because of their faith in God.

But going into a little more depth with the details of our existence on earth gives us an entirely different outlook, I think. God is not just around for the benefits we get from it, he is the Almighty, here with a purpose in which our well being is his utmost. Because when we are fully well in Him, more glory is found under his name. The fight we have to fight is not easy, it is not for the weak. God does not take risks, we are not just merely pawns in his game. We are His beloved children, his lost sheep, his followers, his servants. Because of our willingness to take our weaknesses into consideration and admit our need for Him, he forgets our sin and every reason he could have for just wiping us off the face of the earth, and instead, he loves and protects us from our greatest enemy. What's more, He uses us as vessels of HIS OWN POWER in the midst of spiritual warfare. He is not just protecting us as helpless victims, but he enables us through his Spirit to fight along side. He gives us supernatural ability in a supernatural war.

He knew before anything else existed, what kind of battle would need to be fought, because of us, and for our sake. He knew that some of us would reject Him wholeheartedly, which breaks his heart. But still He prepared a plan to save us, a place for us to spend eternity with him, worshiping him. God knew that He would be victorious in defeating Satan and his army. He defeated Satan on the day that he cast Satan out of his sight in heaven before we even existed. (As mentioned at the beginning of this blog.) He defeated Satan on the day that Jesus' own life was sacrificed for our sake. And He continues to defeat Satan every time someone chooses to believe in God and not allow themselves to be distracted by other things.

I think one of the biggest reasons we as Christians can have hope on a day to day basis is not because everything is easy going and trial free, but because we can know that the suffering is not without good purpose, and not permanent. An eternal promise has been made by the One who has kept every other promise to date, and we need to be ready for the day when He completes the story. Because on the day when Satan is completely bound in eternal death, so will everyone else who never believed. While as Christians we don't have to worry about our own fate, we need to be desperately concerned about the fate of those who haven't yet confessed belief. We should be moved by what we know. The power our witness may have in the life of a non-believer could be what "makes it or breaks it" for them eternally, and we should be riveted by our part in their fate, to the point of being on our knees in prayer daily for their sake, doing all that we can to bring them to complete understanding of the chance they have at eternal life, or eternal death.

Satan.

He is real. He lies incessantly.
And if you don't believe in him, it's because he's already got you fooled. (1 Corinthians 4:4)

But he will be destroyed.
[You have come to a terrible end, and you will exist no more. Ezekiel 28:19b]

In his deceit lies the reason our Truth is so important, and so phenomenal.


Oh yeah, in case you were wondering,
Here is the warning and the promise we have been given:

The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief. Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and the very elements themselves will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be found to deserve judgment. 2 Peter 3:9-10

Then the devil who had deceived them, was thrown into the fiery lake of burning sulfur, joining the beast and the false prophet. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.
And I saw a great white throne and the one sitting on it. The earth and sky fled from his presence, but they found no place to hide. I saw the dead, both great and small, standing before God's throne. And the books were opened, including the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to what they had done, as recorded in the books. The sea gave up it's dead, and death and the grave gave up their dead. And all were judged according to their deeds. Then death and the grave were thrown into the lake of fire. This lake of fire is the second death. And anyone whose name was not found in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire. Revelation 20:10-15


But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly awaiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies and using the same power with which we will bring everything under his control.

The Final Mystery...

 There are many things in life to figure out,
but as Oscar Wilde once said,

"The final mystery is oneself."

Have you ever asked yourself... "Who am I?"

Eh...Then again, maybe others don't feel the need to ask themselves this question like I do.

If you go to kisa.ca/personality you can take a test that will tell you what kind of personality you have. I took the test tonight, sort of as an experiment, and here are the results:

Introverted (I) 93%	Extroverted (E) 7%
Sensing (S) 50%	Intuitive (N) 50%
Feeling (F) 60%	Thinking (T) 40%
Perceiving (P) 59%	Judging (J) 41%

But what does that mean to me? According to this test I lean more on the sensing/feeling side of things--Which I think is true--So what good does an analytical test do for someone like me? The above percentages really don't mean a lot to me. In fact--I think partly because of my own natural tendency to be introverted, and ability to perceive things--this somewhat official psychological typology assessment didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know about myself.
On a fun side note, according to Wikipedia...Michael Jackson MAY HAVE had an ISFP personality type. AND, also according Wikipedia, ISFP's account for about 5–10% of the population. I feel like a minority with that sort of statistic. Haha.

The test was fun I suppose, but it can't answer the question of who I am.

Jon Foreman's popular lyric, "This is your life, are you who you want to be? " appropriately comes to mind, and I finally consider that question rather than just sing along; Am I who I want to be?

To answer this question, you kind of have to already know who you are, and then be able to answer if you, essentially, /like/ who you are.

My answer /right now/ is honestly "Yes", but it hasn't always been.

I have been restless, discontented, and depressed even. I have been insecure with myself in just about every way. I've been to MY rock bottom, and then some. The only chance I ever had at escaping any of it was to recognize that I couldn't do it on my own.

And this is the part of my blog that moves into my new outlook on life, this is the turning point in my entire world view. Desperation led to utter triumph, of which I had nothing to do. I can never claim anything more than that.

Some people easily accuse Christians of being weak because they are "letting God do all the work." My response is that God doesn't do all of the work, He just instills capability and empowerment within us through His love for us. By His mercy, we are rescued, By His grace, we are made new; But it's when we have been sanctified, redeemed, and justified that the toughest battle of our lives begins, We are not in the clear from all things difficult and evil. But at this point, with God on our side, nothing can touch us. Our future has been re-written by the Almighty.
                                         John White writes in his book The Fight,

"What makes Christian conversion different is that supernatural events also occur. The feeling states in non-Christian conversion are temporary. That are equally temporary in Christian conversion. But the supernatural, and often unfelt, events are permanent.
They mark you in the sight of demons and angels as a human who is different. They bring your body into touch with eternity and with the eternal God."
"Your justification is both a heavenly event and a time-space event. It is a heavenly event insofar as Jesus is at this moment on the right hand of God's throne acting as your personal representative. It is a heavenly event too in that your name is now recorded in the 'not guilty' annals of heaven. It is an earthly event since you, a creature of time and space, may boldly step into the presence of the God of eternity and hold a conversation with him. Not to crawl towards him, but to approach with your head held high."
"Eternity invaded space and reestablished permanent links between your personality and the Eternal."

In Philippians 4, verses 6-7, what Paul says to the Christ followers in Philippi at the time is still such a great description of what takes place when you let go of self in order to let God take over; "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

This is what validates and defines me. This is who I am now. Everything I have or am going to be resides only in the hope and life I have in Christ. A new awareness of God's grace and compassion is affecting me; Peace like I've never known, and still can't quite understand, is wrapping around my mind and heart. I am guarded, therefore I am ready for anything. After all, at 22 years, 2 days, 1 hour, and 15 minutes old, I have already answered "the final mystery." This is the oldest I've ever been, and I feel more alive than ever.
How's that for a paradox?

Bible readings-- #1:

I've been stuck in Hebrews recently--I've re-read the entire book about 5 times in the last few weeks. Every time I go through it again I feel so renewed in my outlook about things. If you need some particular refreshing, I really, really suggest Hebrews chapter 12. Maybe it won't speak to you like it does me, but for me this chapter has been an incredible reminder that God knows so much more than I do about every thing I am going through. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what outcome is going to come from every tiny flinch or giant leap I make, which I am capable of making only because He is letting me, even the flinches. :)

Ironically--as I am so emerged in Hebrews--a woman who writes the weekly Christian inspirational emails I subscribed to awhile ago, wrote this last week's email about Hebrews 12:1-12, about being refined by God and allowing him to work in our lives. A favorite quote from this email:
"Hebrews 12:11 tells us, 'No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening--it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in it's way.'

No matter what circumstances we face, whether caused by our own actions or caused by merely living in a fallen world, God can and will work those circumstances together for our good, if we allow him to lead us through. He only asks that we remain childlike, putting our unwavering trust in his love and his desire to mature us in our faith, strengthen us in his service and bless us as his beloved children."

The last few verses in Heb. 12 puts things into perspective for me.
Verses 26-29,
When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise:
"Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also." [Haggai 2:6 referenced]
This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain. Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.

I like to think of it this way:
Every thing we think of as important compared to God's version of importance can sometimes be similar to dirt thinking it's more important than the plants that grow in it or the sun and rain that causes those things to grow in it; forgetting the fact that we can't actually do anything on our own that is of /real/ importance, and the things we do will all be washed away eventually anyway. But the miracle lies in us, as dirt, being used by God in the process of bringing glory to his name. The fact that He even considers us all the way down in the sin and darkness from where He sits in holiness and light is what should ignite a riveting desire to forget everything we thought was important and seek Him.
As Paul says is Philippians [3:8a], "Yes, everything else is worthless /when compared/ with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus as my Lord." That's not to say that everything we do, or things we may want for ourselves are worthless, but that in comparison they don't really hold a candle to any of the real important stuff.
Paul continues in verse 8, "For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ."
To me, that's the secret to really feeling peace about stuff--keep every little thing in perspective in relation to what we have already gained, and from there nothing can touch you.

This is why I live.

"The face that Moses had begged to see--was forbidden to see--was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around His brow. 'On your back with you!' One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own (John 19:11). Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Only by the Son do all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier lives on--He grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings. As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human fore arm--the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless--the nerves perform exquisitely. 'Up you go!' They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are the mere warm-up to His other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon His spotless being--the living excrement from our souls. The apple of His Father's eye turns brown with rot. His Father! He must face His Father like this!
From Heaven the Father now raises himself like a Lion disturbed, shakes his mane and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky.

The Son does not recognize these eyes. 'Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped--murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten--fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled and blasphemed. Oh the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk--you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end? Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp--buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorists tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves--relishing each morsel and bragging about it all.
I hate; Loathe the things in You! Disgust for everything about you consumes me!
Can you feel my wrath?'

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement; and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rags against humankind from every century explodes in a single directions.

'Father, Father! Why have you forsaken me?!'

But Heaven stops it's ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.
The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son, whom He loved. Jesus, the God man from Nazareth, perished.
The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished."
--From "Boy Meets Girl" by Josh Herris, written by Joni Tada.



"It is finished." (John 19:30)


Even as Father and Son were designing man in their own image, perfection at it's uttermost, they were preparing also for the redemption that would be necessary for mankind later. In their all-knowing power, they knew that man would fall into sin and separation from God, and before man could fulfill that knowledge, they knew what would have to happen in order to be redeemed; Christ's death.

Through God's infinite mercy, he gave us our one chance; He gave his only, holy Son. He allowed his son to be ridiculed, beaten, and eventually murdered at the hands of his own creation. Through His grace, he welcomes us back with open arms as if we had never committed a crime, if we would only just believe in our need for his Son and the power of his life and death.

I cannot fathom existence without this God as the center of it; The source of all love, hope, truth, and true life. How can He be so willing to receive us now? We betrayed Him in everything we did, yet he still reaches out and calls to our souls. How can His love be so unconditional?

You haven't felt love if you haven't felt God's love. There is nothing on earth to compare it to. There will never be enough words, in every language ever spoken, to speak out loud what only a heart burning in faith and salvation can feel.