Now, let me be clear about something real quick. As a single lady, it could seem that I am just upset about others rubbing it in my face or something that I am single and they are not. But I am not writing this to complain in any way about the cutesy/gushy updates I get about these particular friends on my news feed about how wonderful their "person" is, or how well they are doing together. I am not jealous of them, I am genuinely happy for them. (No, that wasn't a typo.) The only posts involving a couple on Facebook that get annoying are the ones complaining about how bad things are. (If they're so bad, get off of Facebook and do something to make it better. Don't spread drama.)
So anyway, I read the list of 26 benefits, and I was inspired to write a counter-list of benefits to being single in your 20s. Not to diminish the other list, because I'm sure some of those things are true and super nice for the ones experiencing them, but to offer a realization to single 20-somethings that life is not all pointless without a romantic sidekick cheering for you everyday, or whatever it is that significant others do.
(Some of mine will make more sense if you read the other list first.) Here goes:
- "You can still experience the fun that a single person has (like studying abroad and going out with friends)" …period.
- You can spend time on your own, trying to understand yourself, before committing to someone, or something (career, travel, investments, etc.), in the future.
- This is a time when you are constantly learning and growing. Take advantage of your freedom to explore in other areas of your life than your relationship status.
- Who says you have to settle for something casual? Don't settle for anything, just be you and WAIT for something solid.
- Nobody should really have a personal cheerleader. Egos everywhere will be far too enlarged, and pride is the opposite of true happiness. I'm convinced.
- Your family should have some other things to ask you about than just the old 'who are you dating now?' question. If not, make sure they know you have other things going on in your life. If you don't, you need to figure out your priorities anyway.
- While getting to know yourself, and watching your couple friends date, you can discover things that are important to you for a future relationship and see how to be or how not to be, based on your friends' relationships.
- Finding ways to trust yourself, your friends, and your family before seriously dating someone will help you when the time comes to trust that ONE person.
- "At the end of the day…" Nobody should even say this expression anymore. At the end of the day it's the end of the day. Figure out how to make the most of your day and live in the moment. One day you might have someone to come home to, but today is not one day.
- I'm keeping this one the same. "While friends are telling you about all the immature guys they meet on Tinder or at bars, you don't have to deal with jerks on a weekly basis." That's still true. No one has to "deal" with anything just because they are single.
- Other things also equal reduced risks of STDs. But anyway…
- No one actually loves EVERY part of you, really. There will always be the little things. Surround yourself with friends who accept you and learn to accept yourself. That's going to make a relationship with anyone a lot easier.
- You can challenge yourself every day, and have great adventures with people you love. Who says single people can't have some fun? (Refer to #1 if you are unsure.)
- You feel as much pressure (from yourself or others) to get married as you allow. If you aren't ready, or you haven't found the right one, don't rush.
- I feel like I've said this already, but focus on having some good friends around you for those "drunkenly dancing" kinds of nights. I sure hope you are not just going out and drunkenly dancing all on your own, that's no fun.
- Being single gives you the chance to find and truly rely on some quality friends. When you're dating, other friends sometimes don't get as much attention. Focus on being a good friend to others and you will be a happier person. Trust me.
- Awkward family gatherings don't always need more people. But if they need a little something, it's usually the fun single person who can give the extra kick. ;P
- Try to feel good about yourself BEFORE dating someone.
- No juggling another person's needs along with yours. Focus on your own goals, know what YOUR ambitions are.
- Practice doesn't always make perfect. Some times dating too much, or settling in with someone too soon makes tired, grumpy people who no longer have the energy to invest in the relationship five, ten, or fifteen years down the road. Waiting and being truly ready to invest in someone else will make it all the more doable when the right person does come along.
- Single people get to do mundane things and have fun with it, too. And we can do those things whenever we feel like it.
- If close friends are spreading out and doing stuff with their lives, you have some extra time to make new ones, or venture into new hobbies, or travel with them. Take advantage of your TIME while you have it.
- You can do what you want with your nights. Go out with friends. Stay in and wear sweats. Visit the fam. Enjoy your options.
- Obviously, you will be a better person already if you are not sitting around focusing on how lonely you are. Be single. Enjoy it. It won't last forever if you are making yourself happy and not moping, someone will notice.
- Remind your non-single friends how blessed they are, if they truly are. And when you see a friend struggling in their relationship, be there for them and help them from an outside perspective to know if it's time to throw in the towel or time to work harder. And when a friend goes through a break up, remind them how to thrive in the single life.
- If you can't see it already, I'll spell it out for you: Whatever your situation, make it count. Being single will be great if you let it be, and being in a relationship will be better if you have already tried to get the most out of being single.
