"April 15th, 2011About two months have gone by since I wrote that note in my journal. Two very short months ago my Grandma was not so bad, not great, but she was still so aware, and alive, and happy. I talked to her, and she asked me questions about my job and things. We all ate lunch and laughed together, and we all took her for a walk outside. As she held onto my arm while we walked, I remembered all the times we had walked hand-in-hand down her long driveway at the farm in Meriden when I was a little girl, only then I wasn't the one holding her up, it was her pulling me along. The breeze outside carried the smell of her sweater to my nose, and it smelled exactly like I remembered. There's something charming and magical about that sweet smell of my Grandmother's sweaters.
Today my Grandma turned 82. My mom and I made the 4 hour (at least) drive to visit her and celebrate her birthday and her life up to this point. We left early enough to arrive just in time to have lunch with Grandma and some other family members, and then visit for a while.
During our time here we were privileged enough to sit in on a special 16th anniversary party at the home where she is staying. I don't think it was a coincidence that her birthday and this particular event intertwined for a day, nor the fact that we got to be here for it. The administrator, Dee, held a special service for all of the residents, and I was blown away by how well she knew all of the residents so well. She brought each person to the front of the room and sat them in a chair of honor, as she spoke affectionately about them, as if they were part of her own family. She accurately described each person's individual talents, personalities, and unique presence that they bring to the home to make it feel like a home.
I wasn't really expecting to enjoy the ceremony, if I'm being honest, but I was taken back by how cool it was to learn about each of these people's lives. Hearing about the fun stories and liveliness everyone contributes to the home made me feel less anxious about being surrounded by the "much older and wiser" crowd, which I will admit is my typical feeling around people who are more advanced in age. :) I usually can't help but wonder if they're all happy with who they are, and satisfied with their lives, and things like that. It gets me thinking about my own life, and wondering if I will be satisfied when I reach that age, or if I will ever really be ready for when that day comes, if it does come. As Dee spoke, I listened to the diversity of people in the room, and all the great things that everyone loves about them. I tried to guess what she would have to say about my Grandma, and then it dawned on me that I knew exactly what she was going to say.
My Grandma is one of the few people I know who genuinely and unconditionally loves people, especially her enormous clan of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Not to mention the bountiful mix of other relatives to fill her time thinking about. She has always seemed to have such an extraordinary understanding of how precious time is, and has always cherished spending her time with her family, or thinking about her family, or praying for them. So this afternoon when Dee told the room how blown away she was the first time she realized how consumed my Grandmother's mind was with prayers and adoring thoughts for her family and friends, and even more so, how spiritually minded she was, and how that love for God shines out of her like sunshine, I was not surprised even for a second. I knew she was right, and I was completely in awe of how my Grandma had found this day, the first day of her eighty-second year of life, with such amazing success, in my opinion. How incredibly blessed she has been to have had a life of faith, and to have been constantly surrounded by an abundance of family members who truly love her.
I heard Dee's words with a certain amount of pride in my heart to know that I was the Granddaughter of the amazing woman sitting in the chair at the front of the room, and it became clear to me that if I ever get to a point where I am half as blessed as my Grandma has been, I would be content. And I am so grateful that I was born into a family so held together by that faith and love, which she is a fantastic example of."
Now that we are nearing the time to say "good-bye", it is bittersweet to recall these things. I love thinking on it, but it makes me sad to know that soon those memories will be all I have left of her. It is a true heartache to try to face the "good-bye" part of life, but it is almost unbearable to watch someone you care about be in the state of health my Grandma is in now. Right now our entire family is praying for her to be able to go "home" quickly, and I know God has things under control. For those of us who have chosen to believe in, and commit our lives to Christ, I know this good-bye is temporary until it's our turn to go to heaven to be with the Lord. And I know that the same memories about Grandma that make our hearts sing now, will only intensify as we come together to meditate on the wonderful life she had, and the blessings of all that she was to everyone she knew. She has been the glue to hold this family together for 60 years, her life and her example of marvelous faith and love will be carried on through every child, grandchild, and great-grandchild who experienced her authenticity throughout those many years.
