tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49456442525516159912024-02-08T09:47:04.850-06:00Her Infinite VarietyAs simple as possible, but no simpler.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-78697843713066934532017-04-09T09:55:00.002-05:002017-04-09T09:55:50.915-05:00For One Another“You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves<br />
<br />
Since the last time I wrote about the blooming relationship God planted in my life last year, a lot has transpired. Matthew and I knew even then, in the early stages of our relationship, that we loved each other. Neither of us could imagine life without the other, and we knew that neither of us wanted our relationship to end. Ever. So, within a couple of months of dating, we started talking about marriage, and forever. By the beginning of this year, we were both already committed to forever together. On January 2nd, after we spent a long weekend with my family in Colorado, he got a tattoo of an infinity symbol, designed to appear like a penguin too. He knows how much I like penguins. Also, penguins are monogamous for life. This symbol of his permanent love and dedication, as well as my love and dedication (I would never have allowed him to get that tattoo if I wasn't 100% sure that we were permanent), was an outward statement to the world to declare just how sure we were/are about each other. A little over a month later (on February 11th), he asked me to marry him. I said, "YES", without a trace of doubt, and with certainty in every facet of my existence. We will be married in a little over a month from now (on May 20th). I will become his wife, and stepmom to his beautiful daughter. Our lives will be forever joined, and the next chapter will be started.<br />
<br />
For some, this seems fast, too fast. For us, it feels as if time slowed down, and somehow the immensity of everything between us remains impossibly contained in time spaces that don't seem large enough to hold all of it. Never before has any of my human relationships felt so absolute and divine. I've experienced the ultimate relationship that a human can experience, in my relationship with God. I've experienced friendships that were so authentic that it made me draw closer to both that person and God. But I've never experienced something with another human being that connects my soul with theirs in the way that Matthew and I are connected now. He is my best friend. He is the love of my life. He is my protector, shelter, and leader. <br />
<br />
I've never been more sure that God designed someone specifically with me in mind, and brought that person into my life. I would choose Matthew, and he would choose me, an infinite number of times, in an infinite number of lives. Even so, it's clear that God chose us for one another.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-52018219170008050072016-12-04T11:53:00.002-06:002016-12-04T11:53:29.467-06:00BlessedGod blesses me all the time. He has been blessing me since before I was even born. I have seen evidence of His blessings in my life during both good and bad times; during both the easy-going phases, and the most onerous phases. In have seen it while living through these moments, and I can see it in hindsight, when remembering the moments I've lived through with Him by my side.<br />
<br />
This year has been another busy year. All of the things a 27 year old (now 28) would be doing; working, studying, dieting, exercising, not dieting or exercising, saving money, spending money, traveling, staying home alone, going out with friends, spending time with family, being in a friend's wedding, going to friends' weddings, seeing people greet new little bundles of joy into their families, and figuring out who I am now (just to name a few).<br />
<br />
This year, I was mostly focused on trying to keep balance in my life, trying to be content with my life, trying to challenge myself in areas I needed to be challenged, trying to practice patience, and trying to draw closer to my LORD and Savior.<br />
<br />
I made some slight improvements here and there, spent too much money, didn't save enough money, and feel content most of the time, but still find myself practicing impatience more than I'd like to admit. I got to see some new things, I progressed in my journey to getting my degree, I learned new things and made strides in my occupation. It was a great year, overall.<br />
<br />
About two months ago, God did something that I wasn't expecting. At the time, I questioned whether I was ready for what He was doing, but I didn't (and don't ) question whether it was Him doing it. No matter how much I thought I was ready, before God orchestrated this new thing in my life, I was suddenly faced with the reality of it, and it scared me. God brought someone into my life who has been blessing me with his sweetness and authenticity ever since. God's timing in this event was perfect (although I wouldn't have minded not being in the middle of a full-time semester, if I'm honest). With each day that passes, I realize more and more that because God's timing is perfect, and because he orchestrated this, HE will equip me as necessary to navigate these new waters. I don't have to worry or be scared, I have to trust Him.<br />
<br />
I can't know what the future holds, nor do I want to. But this Christmas season, as I reflect on the past year of my life and look ahead to next year, I am so struck by the personal, intentional way that God has handled my heart and soul this year. I've been praying for patience for a year. I've been trying to intentionally draw closer to Him. He blesses me even when things are not this happy, but right now, I'm in awe of the complete joy that He fills me with each day. For the past two months, every day I wake up reflecting on what God has given me, and filled with gratitude, I pray that he will continue to draw me closer to him as he also allows me to feel so much happiness because of the man he placed in my life.<br />
<br />
I imagine next year will be similar to this year, except I will have a very special man in my life now, God willing. I'm at peace with my life with or without this man, but with him I am also filled with happiness every single day, to the point that I often wonder if it's sustainable, or even real. I'm blessed by God all the time, and this particular blessing is something that took me by complete surprise. I hope that I continue to move to a deeper relationship with God, as me and Matt continue to connect with each other in our new relationship.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-13751048502962789852016-06-02T21:58:00.000-05:002016-06-02T22:49:12.044-05:00We Do Not Construct It or Reconstruct It.<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">In 1887, college professor Henry Drummond said regarding
absolute truth, “Truth is not to be found in what I have been taught. That is
not truth. …Therefore, let us dismiss from our minds that predisposition to
regard that which we have been brought up in as being necessarily the truth.
…If that were the definition of truth, truth would be just what one’s parents
were—it would be a thing of hereditary transmission, and not a thing absolute
in itself.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">Truth is a thing in itself. We do not construct it or reconstruct
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">In 1992, the Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy said in a ruling,
“At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence,
of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">This concept of liberty is the opposite of absolutism, and it's
the very thing that is turning societies into aimless masses of less-liberated
individuals; seized and contained by our individual purposelessness, rather
than strong individuals amalgamated together with a clear purpose and direction
as a whole. If we truly believe we can redefine our reality based on what we
want our reality to be, our reality loses all meaning. If truth is everything,
it is nothing. Our reality becomes less and less real, the more we attempt to
assign our own conception of reality, rather than seek and accept the truth
that already is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">“Truth is no longer seen as objective and is no longer limited
to its rational dimension. Now, truth is viewed as subjective and one is free
to tap into emotions and intuition to find it. …Today, propositional truth has
taken a backseat to personal truth. Propositional truth asserts that our truth
claims can be stated and analyzed into logic, otherwise they are false. …The
answer to conflicting truth claims is not to rebuff the idea of absolutes, but
to instead find out what those absolutes are.” Todd Ahrend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">Truth is not reducible to what my concept of existence is, thank
goodness. Truth cannot be adjusted to what I mean it to be, thank goodness. The
thing about truth is that if we try to conform it to our will, we don’t
actually change it. Truth, by definition, remains absolute even when we attempt
to call it anything but. Because truth is absolute, and we can’t actually
conform it to our will, things begin to fall apart when we try to squeeze it
into the space we want it to fit, or try to redefine it. We do not change truth
or fit truth into that small space of our perception and concepts of existence;
we squeeze ourselves into smaller and smaller spaces; we lose our intellectual
grip on reality; we become meaningless the more we intend to create our own
meaning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #16191f; mso-bidi-font-family: "System Font Regular";">“The result of an understanding of truth void of absolutes is
that it leaves no comprehensive categories of experience or knowledge. Because
it rejects the idea of a singular grand story—a metanarrative—that explains
what is true and gives meaning to all life, there is no overarching purpose
wherein one’s own experience can fit and find meaning. Instead, one’s own
experience is the only absolute. …One of the tragedies of the 21st century is
that this very popular belief system leaves little to live for. Ravi Zacharias
states: ‘There is no center to hold things together. Or to put it differently,
there is no metanarrative to life, no overarching story by which all the
particulars can be interpreted… Life needs a story to understand the details.
Life needs to hold tighter at the center if we are to reach to distant
horizons. But our culture neither owns a story nor holds at the center.’” Todd
Ahrend</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-42622271839723786792016-01-04T21:01:00.000-06:002016-01-04T21:25:47.383-06:00The Heart Not Stilled“Have you ever wanted something so badly that you just lose perspective of it?”<br />
Rodrigo, Mozart in the Jungle<br />
<br />
It’s Christmas break, 2015/2016, and I’ve spent most of my time during this much needed break spending time with the people I love, and pondering all of the directions I’m moving in. I have recently felt the Holy Spirit teaching me patience in many areas, and I continue to be reminded daily of my reliance on His guidance in some difficult decisions I need to face, and directions I am being pulled in. Yet, I struggle to quiet my restlessness, to slow my pace long enough to pray and wait on God’s lead. I have spent the past year in full-fledged busyness, trying to work on productivity in work and school, and intentiality with people, among other ventures. I don’t know anymore what adaptability and performance looks or feels like without directing my attention and energy in several directions synchronously.<br />
<br />
How can I pause and reflect without losing ground in some area or another?<br />
How can I calm my mind long enough to sit in awe of God and speak to him about my cares and concerns when my mind never wants to slow?<br />
How can I be still and know that He is there, and not be sorting through something or pushing forward, even in my mind, when I am forced daily to compartmentalize so many directions and move in all directions at once?<br />
<br />
It’s not that I don’t have the desire, it’s that I haven’t been able to figure out how to stop my mind long enough to fulfill the desire.<br />
<br />
How did I get to this place?<br />
<br />
A year ago, I was still feeling new to my job that I started in September 2014. Besides facing the daily challenges of work (and loving it, by the way!), I was attempting to compartmentalize my academic studies to only when I was at home, which was brief spurts of time during evenings and weekends. Even with a full-time job, and a full-time academic schedule, I was also working on refreshing my faith by joining and attending a local <a href="http://www.perspectives.org/">Perspectives</a> class. Through that class, my mind and heart were opened to a world of possibilities, fears, concerns, questions, doubts, hopes, and insecurities. I started exploring what my life would look like if I focused on investing in people more, and especially if I began trusting God in some brand new ways. I honestly feel that I poured myself into those goals, whether I reached a destination of some kind or not. All of that was during the first 5 months of the year.
In time, I finished my academic semester, Perspectives concluded around the same time, and was getting my feet on the ground at work. I was refreshed, reawakened, and simultaneously exhausted.<br />
<br />
By summer, I was ready for a break, but I decided I would continue my academics with a summer class. I had momentum; I didn’t want to lose it. Somewhere in the middle of summer is when it happened to me though. I was going along on my journey, and it hit me all at once that I felt like I couldn’t slow down. I was missing things with people I wanted to be spending my time with. I was so determined to do well in work and school that I began to take myself too seriously in both areas. I was skipping going to church or seeing my friends and family because I needed time to study, or sleep, or do my laundry. Because even simple chores like throwing dirty clothes and some soap into the machine, felt taxing to me. My priorities were all screwy, and I felt that I was to blame. It was my fault for choosing to take a summer class. It was my fault for thinking that I could focus on self-improving, and succeed at it, while also investing in people. Throughout this part of my year, something inside of me yearned to disconnect from everything. The busyness that I started my year with was suffocating me. The hopes of growth that I had in mind at the beginning were now doubts and frustrations that blocked my ability to find pleasure and joy in the simple things I had once cherished. Everything was something scheduled, everything was mundane. It was like I had begun a marathon without preparation, and I was beginning to notice that I could no longer control my legs or feel the fire in my lungs; I couldn’t stop going, I had no capacity for adjusting my pace, I had no reference point for how I was supposed to handle my new experiences.<br />
<br />
Then, with little intermission, my summer responsibilities turned into my fall responsibilities, but by that time in the year, it didn’t matter to me anymore what the season was. There were days or weeks at a time that were completely dictated by deadlines, which, really, when you think about it, equaled months, and even an entire year that was dictated by deadlines and schedules. By that time, I was used to telling people I couldn’t see them because I had to write a paper or study for an exam. I was used to reading textbooks on my lunch break, then spending hours every night studying, and looking forward, not to the weekend, but to the X’s I used to cross off the many assignments I had on my calendar. In September, I heard the pastor at my family’s church was offering a systematic theology class, so I prayed about it for a few days, even though my mind was made up: I would take that class too, because it sounded like something I needed in my life, and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. It’s funny how the choice to not miss one opportunity can lead you to miss other things; like free time.<br />
(I should insert here that even though I sound resentful of the burden of deadlines and schedules, I also believe that those things are good for me, because without them I can get overwhelmed with not knowing what to do next. The issue I was facing in the crux of the semester was not a lack of abundance; it was the weight of abundance in every direction. I was overwhelmed.)<br />
<br />
The blur of the year ended with the blurry end of the fall semester, some quality time with friends and family, and a whole lot of consideration about what’s next. For the past few weeks, I’ve found myself feeling unsettled by the lack of busyness I became accustomed to for at least the past 11½ months. Which, brings me back to my opening questions:<br />
<br />
How can I pause and reflect?<br />
How can I calm my mind long enough to sit in awe of God and speak to him about my cares and concerns?<br />
How can I be still and know that He is there?<br />
<br />
(Notice this time I wrote each question without an excuse at the end.)<br />
<br />
My impatience with myself, my life, reaching goals, crossing items off to-do lists and calendar pages, has brought me to this place. My ability to pause and enjoy has become overshadowed by my impatience. My ability to be hard working and successful without compromising my time with the people I love has been tinged with impatience. My ability to sit before my Lord and Savior and lose track of time has been lost to my impatience. My capacity for appreciating the abundance in every direction is hindered by an anchor of impatience.
Already, just a few days into 2016, I can feel myself being pulled in many directions, with the weight of impatience in every direction. My prayer and my hope for this year is to embrace the power of patience. In relationships, in health goals, in financial goals, in my academics, in work accomplishments, and whatever else 2016 brings, I hope that I can re-learn patience unceasingly. A year from now, I want to be able to reflect on all of the rewards and blessings that came from trying to be patient in all things. A year from now, I would love to look back and see evidence in my life of waiting on God to lead and guide me, of responding to that guidance with more patience, and action. I want to have that discipline overflow from my prayers; into my mind, into my heart, into my attitudes, into my emotions, into my behaviors, into my actions, and into my relationships.<br />
<br />
“…And the vessel was not full, the mind was not satisfied, the soul was not calm, the heart not stilled.” From Siddhartha (pg.7), by Herman HesseUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-68757746163355036262014-10-13T21:59:00.000-05:002014-10-13T22:01:44.887-05:00The secret signature of each soul.
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<div class="MsoNormal">
“Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret
attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of--something, not to be
identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut
wood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat's side? Are not
all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human
being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that
something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other
desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night
and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching
for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply
possesed your soul have been but hints of it--tantalizing glimspes, promises
never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But
if it should really become manifest--if there ever came an echo that did not
die away but swelled into the sound itself--you would know it. Beyond all
possibility of doubt you would say 'Here at last is the thing I was made for.'
We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul,
the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the things we desired before we met
our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still
desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work.
While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all.” -Clive Staples Lewis<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think Lewis will always be my favorite author. There's
something grandfatherly and soothing about the way he grabs on to a bundle of
his inspiriting thoughts and gently arranges them into paragraph after
paragraph of marked passion and lucidity. He is honest, provoking, and genius.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I appreciate rainy days, because unlike rays of sunlight
that draw me out and away from my innermost rumination, rain drops push me
further inward to reflect a little more deeply. And sometimes I need little
rain drop reminders to help me remember what my day-to-day priorities are doing
to help me reach my bigger-picture priorities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This quote from Lewis is one of my favorites, and I was
reminded of it today when skimming through an old book. I think it was ideal
timing. I was sitting there thinking about how I'm two days away from
celebrating my one month anniversary at my new job, and then something dawned
on me--This is it, this is all I can see right now. I am in awe of the blessing
of this new job, and I don't know how many months will turn into how many years
before my next "this is it" moment happens to me; when I can no
longer see past that thing; when I feel blessed by something else. I was
wondering what my next one month anniversary of something will be. I can't see
into my future, I can't know what is about to happen in the next chapters of my
life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One cool think that happens to me when I read Lewis'
thoughts above, is that when he says, "...While we are, this is. If we
lose this, we lose all", I don't think about my job, or my friendships, or
my education, or even my relationships with my family; the most treasured
things in my life all fade. The thing that I can no longer see past, the thing
that is what everything else hinges on; my "While I am, this is. If I lose
this, I lose all", is my relationship with God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I know that I will never lose it; I am comforted by the
fact that I will always be with Him, in this lifetime, and the next; I will
never have to doubt what my "Here at last is the thing I was made
for" actually is; I know the secret signature of my soul. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God has reached my soul, and I refuse to evade that
"...incommunicable and unappeasable want".<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-7646400979656175702014-09-21T01:15:00.002-05:002014-09-21T01:15:29.595-05:00A little update about my BIG news.A little over a month ago I wrote a blog about life changes and my weaknesses that make life changes difficult for me. At the time, I had no idea how drastically my life would change in the following month. To explain, let me back up a little farther…<br />
<br />
About a year ago I started considering my desire to find a new job. I wanted to feel challenged, and appreciated. I wasn't miserable, but I was just getting by, and I was in a rut intellectually. Every day I struggled to feel the passion that I previously felt towards my work, and I could tell that it was ceaselessly dwindling. Eventually, necessity drove me to begin my job search. I started seeking a job change A WHOLE YEAR AGO, and this month, I finally got THE job; the job that answered my prayers; the job that will provide; the job that will challenge me.<br />
<br />
After a year, which included days worth of time spent filling out hundreds of applications, a handful of call backs that led to interviews, and just three official job offers; After more than two months without an income; I finally landed the job that is going to change my life.<br />
<br />
This is week one, you guys, and I can already tell that it's going to change my life! I feel like I couldn't be more peaceful, renewed, and ecstatic about a job.<br />
<br />
Okay, so I've updated about that HUGE answered prayer. Now I'm thinking about what's next. What's going to take place in my life from this point forward? What other things do I need to pay attention to that I have possibly neglected while I was so busy waiting for a job?<br />
<br />
Going back to my reference about my last blog post…<br />
In that post, I mentioned some <a href="http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/6-questions-ask-when-your-life%E2%80%99s-about-change">questions</a> that I would soon take the time to answer, and I think they are very relevant to where my head is at now. So here goes:<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Where Am I?<br />
<br />
Right now, I'm in such a good place. I am at the beginning of some big ventures in the professional/academic areas of my life. I am happily investing as much as I can, as often as I can, in the lives of my family and friends, and I am receiving blessings from all of them all the time as well. I can honestly say that I am super content and peaceful.<br />
<br />
2. What Do I Need to Leave Behind?<br />
<br />
I think the biggest thing I need to leave behind is any type of regret or doubt about all of the huge decisions that I have made this year. I know that I've had to make some really tough calls about some really big adjustments, and I need to release myself from feeling some kind of anxiety about which were the right decisions, and whether or not the timing was good or bad, etc. I need to stop over-thinking things.<br />
<br />
3. Who Do I Want to Be and How am I Going to Get There?<br />
<br />
I am employee, colleague, student, daughter, sister, aunt, friend…and I don't really want to be anything different at the moment, I just want to be all of those things, and do it well. I'm just going to keep working hard to be myself and enjoy the people around me.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
4. Where is There Room For Growth?<br />
<br />
I need to work on cultivating the right relationships with the people in my life, and allowing myself to be vulnerable more often. I also need to work on getting back into shape. I want to get out of my habit of watching TV or a movie to relax, and instead read a good book, FOR FUN--no textbooks. I want to continue to grow at my new job. I want to work harder to be present wherever I am at the moment, not preoccupied with anything else.<br />
<br />
<br />
5. Who Do I Want By My Side?<br />
<br />
Obviously God is more than just "by my side," but I definitely want to continue to pay attention to him.<br />
Also, my family, my best friends, and maybe even some new friends; …but mainly God and my family.<br />
<br />
<br />
6. What Are My Motivations?<br />
<br />
My faith motivates me and gives me the strength to face the toughest things. I wouldn't have been able to write this same story had I not relied entirely on my faith carrying me through the thick of my crazy year, and not just the one year, but my life as a whole. God's guidance and provision is perfect.<br />
My family motivates me to want to care more and love harder.<br />
My friends motivate me to keep seeking new perspective and to make having fun a priority from time to time.<br />
My academic goals motivate me to try to achieve good grades and actually take my knowledge with me after I pass each class.<br />
My professional goals motivate me to apply my work ethic and integrity to every task, and not avoid my challenges.<br />
My desire to always move forward and continually attempt to feel more and more alive is what pushes me through each day with a healthy sense of humor and streak of ornery optimism.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-37586653364056093492014-08-04T21:09:00.002-05:002014-08-04T21:09:50.359-05:00An Honest Reflection<div class="MsoNormal">
I think for some people transitions and growth just happen
to them and they don’t really flinch or notice changes, because they are highly
adaptable people who thrive on challenges and inhale energy the way that I
thrive on complacency and inhale inertness. I might be wrong. Maybe everyone
deals with all sorts of inner turmoil in every new phase of their life. Maybe
everyone else just makes it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">look</i>
easy. I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I know this: I am not, by nature, an ambitious person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember when I was a little girl, I had a propensity
toward certain things, but I was always too anxious about failure or vulnerability to practice or perfect those things. I didn’t want to seek affirmation in any way, because that meant
putting it all on the line and risking exposure. Vulnerability is kind of my
kryptonite; it often stops me from progression. I didn’t excel at any one area
in particular in my past because I put more effort in appearing effortless and
indifferent than just doing the work of becoming really great at something. No
one thing ever became “my thing”, because I didn’t dedicate myself to anything. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
School? I enjoyed the subjects that were naturally easy for me, hated
everything else, and didn’t learn what it was like to really apply myself to
studying, and then succeeding, until college. I didn’t care until I was older,
I was paying for it, and it mattered more to me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sports? I enjoyed it when I
was young enough that winning wasn’t the most important thing, and the coach’s
main strategy was to get us to pay attention or not pick our noses on the field.
As the game got more intense, I thrived on the high notes and got really bummed
out when I could tell I didn’t play hard enough. I did try, but I never cared
enough to keep going. When my friends’ passion for competing and winning began
outgrowing my own, I decided my time as a softball player was over. I didn’t
ever try to be good at any other sports, because competition did not come
naturally for me. I never looked back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Creativity? I loved imagining, altering
things, and making things. I remember spending hours and hours on my own, just
pretending and thinking, never once feeling lonely. I could be uninhibited when
I was on my own doing something creative, and that is honestly when I thrived
the most. There were no inward or outward competitions; it was natural for me.
But I was conservative with my creative tendencies. I refused to try too hard,
I didn’t try to push myself further, I just sort of coasted along with whatever
skills I could muster up at any given time. In my mind, practicing would mean
risking not actually getting better, and just thinking I was better than I
actually was. It did not mean nearing perfection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Relationships? As long as I didn't have to put a lot of effort in, I enjoyed my friendships. As long as I was being cared about without needing to expose my own feelings, I would "allow" people to be in my life. If it seemed fun, organic, and exciting to get to know someone, I wanted in on it. When it got more tricky, I would passively drift on to the next friend who would temporarily satiate my need for companionship without them getting past the walls guarding my insecurities. I guarded those walls more protectively than I guarded my friendships. I suffered from it, friends suffered from it, and I was not good at being relational.<br />
<br />These are just a few examples of my weak areas. I’m not being modest or humble. I really was a scared, insecure, little girl. And I am
still so much like that scared, little girl. As a teenager, I was
pretty introspective and withdrawn at times, and sometimes I was okay. I was
just a really awkward person. I had friends, I did fun things, but I felt
awkward all the time. As an adult, that internal struggle has carried over into
other areas. I can be indecisive, I can be noncommittal, I can be lethargic
about changes, I can be stubbornly independent, I can be anti-social, and I can
most certainly lack confidence and fear vulnerability. These are the things
that come to me naturally. It is organic for me to just drift in the midst of
these weaknesses; to be apathetic about the why’s or how’s of my life and my relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of this information from my past is why I do not understand
how I have my feet so firmly grounded right now. An honest reflection of my
natural tendencies would not show THIS life, this calmness, or this aptitude
for optimism. Despite myself, I have chosen the harder path in at least a few
areas of my life, and I have chosen to push myself and will myself to succeed
in those areas. I have worked on being pliable with other people, with my
circumstances, and with myself. I have learned how to draw on the strengths of
others and feel confident about my own strengths. (I have learned what
strengths I have.) I have learned how to commit to and face challenges, rather
than withdraw from them. I have developed an ability to know when to be fiercely
relational rather than seclude myself with my anti-socialness. I now know that
loyalty and authenticity will reach others without needing to make myself feel
awkward and exposed. I have discovered that vulnerability, while still terrifying
at times, is often the precipice holding me back just before greatness is
reached. I can make decisions now that I never could have fathomed making when
I was younger. I guess I could just attribute all of it to me growing up and
being an adult. But I see more in my life than just growing up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not just about maturity; it’s about spiritual life. It's an alive-ness that is overwhelming even before it has reached its full potential. I'm not finished yet, but I can tell something is very different now than how it was before, and I believe I'm still being made new. I'm not perfect in any way, I still have weaknesses, but I'm so much more alive and well now.<br />
<br />
I know that without God’s grace, through Christ’s gift, using the Holy Spirit’s
power to modify me, I would not be so firmly grounded and in touch with these
strengths. In fact, I wouldn’t even have these strengths. Maybe someone reading
this doesn’t believe in God or in his ability to change people’s hearts, but I
have tried to look at my life and my heart with other lenses, for sure, and
God’s grace honestly is just the most likely explanation for all that I am, and
all that I hope for. I was being changed before I was an adult, before I
practiced maturity. It was not my own doing. If you ever see anything good in me, please know that it comes from God.<br />
<br />
One of my favorite quotes ever describes this process of being changed:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
"This is the glory and miracle of grace, that God, through the Holy
Spirit, is able to transform a stubborn, rebellious, and unbelieving will into
a passionate, obedient, believing will without violating the integrity of the
individual or diminishing the voluntary nature of one's decision to trust
Christ for salvation." -Sam Storms<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was voluntary, I chose to welcome God in my life, but it
was out of my hands as to how and when he would be working in me. <br />
<br />
The past few years have been full of transitions bigger than anything before,
yet I know that bigger transitions are coming. I’m thinking about all of this
because I read a blog about <a href="http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/6-questions-ask-when-your-life%E2%80%99s-about-change">questions</a>
to ask myself when life is changing. And I started thinking about how far I’ve
come, and how much work I have ahead. It scares me, but I also feel more
hopeful than ever. It’s an eager hope, anticipation. More than willingness,
it’s readiness, like I’m being prepared for it.<br />
<br />
I’ll be writing a blog soon with my answers to the questions. But in the
meantime, think about your answers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-26053173516191808422014-07-26T13:25:00.001-05:002014-07-26T13:25:03.173-05:00Life Lessons inspired by Dave Ramsey (Who knew?)This morning I was catching up on reading from Dave Ramsey's book, <i>Complete Guide to Money. </i>Trust me, I'm also surprised that my blog post is beginning with anything about Dave Ramsey. But I've been taking the Financial Peace University (FPU) class at my brother's church, and I have actually learned a lot of valuable things. One dominant thing that has stood out to me since the first lesson is that someone could easily float through this experience and leave it behind them and just not gain anything from it. Or, someone could read every word, soak in every video lecture, and do all of the "homework," and they would probably see noticeable differences in more than one area of their life.<br />
<br />
I'll be honest, so far I haven't been doing all of the work. I've been reading the books, I've been going to the class every week, but I haven't been doing the homework like I'm supposed to. Why? Because D.R.'s advice is meant to be carried out by someone with an income, and for two months (the course of this class), I have not had an income. (Refer to my earlier <a href="http://antjuju.blogspot.com/2014/07/faithfully-risky.html">post</a> if you're wondering why.) Sure, I've had money to work with, and I have had an ongoing budget this summer, but it has had a steady decrease in the balance since the day I received my final paycheck. It will continue to dwindle away while I <strike>patiently</strike> wait for my next paycheck to come. (Two more weeks!!!) And I knew it was going to be like that when I quit my job in May, so I was already being extra cautious with my funds as I began FPU, and I will continue to be cautious until I am able to save some more as I begin working again.<br />
<br />
Money things aside, I want to write about some stuff I have gained from FPU regarding other areas of life.<br />
<br />
1. I've seen that D.R. does not value money over other things in life, i.e., faith, family, friendships, integrity, hard work, working with passion, etc. THAT is exciting to me, because I can relate to these things that he values over wealth, as I do too. I would have dropped out after day one if D.R. tried to convince me to put money first in my life. It's just not that important to me. This class just confirmed that money is not the most important thing in life, and is not supposed to be esteemed as such.<br />
<br />
2. I've realized how quickly and sneakily money can affect other areas of life, and the importance of protecting myself and my relationships with people from things like greed, stress, or impatience (this is a big one for me), or so many other negative things that money issues will infiltrate into our lives. This lesson has not just applied to those close to me, but it has changed my heart in big ways when it comes to showing Christ's love through financial gifts to others, even strangers. I've always said that God doesn't give me a lot of money because He knows I can't handle it, but this class has changed my perception. I believe that I would be more capable of it now, but I don't want my capability to enable greed. D.R. preaches GIVE, GIVE, GIVE all throughout his many lessons in FPU, and my prayer is that if God ever chooses to bless me with enough wealth to do so, that I would be ready and willing to GIVE it back to him through those who need it more than I do.<br />
<br />
3. I've learned more about what the Bible teaches about money, wealth, poverty, saving/giving, and how to handle these circumstances. I love how much scripture and biblical truth is involved in the FPU lessons, not to mention all of the really great quotes shared from financially knowledgeable people. Often, it seems that the secular, or more "worldly" sources of knowledge [with financial aspects, in this case], are corollary to the things the Bible is teaching. Which further proves to me that God had our best and healthiest lives in mind when he gifted us with his word, be it about financial health, spiritual health, emotional health, mental health, physical health, etc. His word is consistent with what the most brilliant minds in all of these areas can tell us, or give us glimpses of. It's something that stands out to me when I study anything, be it ethics/philosophy, psychology, history, fitness, or FPU lessons*; The things that the Bible teaches us always correlates with the best and most ideal examples of all of these things. The Bible is a greater source of knowledge than of our man-made sources, so if the man-made sources can be found corollary to scripture then it is definitely worth my time.<br />
<br />
*I want to clarify that not all aspects of those "worldly" studies will be confirmed by scripture, and I most definitely apply discernment as necessary. I just think it's really cool when both sides match up, and I wish more people would realize the ideal life God intended for us all to have.<br />
<br />
The final thing that I found inspiring through this class was something I just read this morning, which triggered this entire post:<br />
<br />
4. I've decided that for me, my ultimate goal is not wealth, but contentment. A quote from <i>Complete Guide to Money </i>that stood out to me this morning as I was reflecting over all of these incredible life lessons, was, "How can you know where you ought to be and what you ought to be doing if you don't know who you are?" That struck a chord in me. I decided that above all the wealth or knowledge I could ever gain, I would rather be content in who I am, no matter my circumstances. To have an abundance of other things, and be miserable or confused about who I am, would be one of the absolute worst things I can imagine in this lifetime. This lesson is the one that I am most convicted about giving to God, because I know that I can't rely solely on myself to guarantee that I will discern every right step along my way. I feel confident in who I am today, but it has been a rocky road to get here. And left to my own devices, I would stumble down any path. So, I happily trust that God is guiding my every step, and I hope that today's contentment will carry over to tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, until all of my days are done.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-36647740592226064962014-07-23T01:05:00.000-05:002014-07-23T01:22:32.820-05:00Beautiful (vanity)?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>beau·ti·ful</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">adjective</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure
or satisfaction to see, hear, think about,etc.; delighting the senses or mind:
<i>a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. excellent of its kind: <i>a beautiful putt on the seventh hole;
The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
noun<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. the concept of beauty (usually preceded by the ).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5.( used with a plural verb ) beautiful things or people
collectively (usually preceded by the ):
<i>the good andthe beautiful.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. the ideal of beauty (usually preceded by the ): <i>to strive to attain the beautiful.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>van·i·ty<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">noun</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities,
achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit: <i>Failure to be
elected was a great blow to his vanity.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. an instance or display of this quality or feeling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. something about which one is vain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness: <i>the vanity of
a selfish life.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. something worthless, trivial, or pointless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>(dictionary.com)</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recall the first time I ever saw a very strategically
angled photo of someone on their Myspace page, and I didn't realize at the time
that I was looking at one of earlier forms of a selfie. You know
what I'm talking about. <i>Stand in front of the bathroom mirror, turn flash on,
place camera as high in the air as you can, point down in the most flattering
angle, be stoic or pouty, or somehow make eyes look 10x larger than they ever
are in real life, snap photo. Bam! New Myspace profile picture created. </i>Girls
were proudly making duck lips with their mouths and pointing the camera down
their shirts. (Still do, actually.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I've started noticing that girls are all smiling in this one
particular way where every girls' smile looks like the next. Has anyone else
noticed this?? There is a certain way they curve their lips and use their chin,
and then they incorporate their eyebrows and nose in making this face, and it
kind of resembles a smile but a very universal one that other people are
capable of doing as well. Or, maybe I'm the only person to notice it. I don't
know because I've never talked to anyone about this. Maybe this is some kind of
thing that the mind does after you've viewed a few too many consecutive
pictures of smiles. Anyway, once, for fun, I tried to even make that face in
the mirror and I couldn't do it. Then it dawned on me, <i>these girls are
PRACTICING this fake smile!</i> If I'm being honest, for a second I was
disappointed that I couldn't do it. Not that I needed to take a picture of
myself doing it and make an Insta out of it, but I guess I wanted to see if I would
look like all of the rest of them when I made the face. For a second.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I realized that I
would prefer it if I never did. I don't want to blend in, I don't want to look
everyone else…at least not right now. I have before though. <i>Psh.</i> I'm not here attempting to take some high road and
claim to never have participated in taking a selfie or trying to find a
flattering angle for a picture of myself, or even making duck lips. (Less
complicated than this practiced smile trend going on, so I can.) I have done
so, and will continue for as long as I'm human, to attempt to present the best
version of myself most of the time, or at least <i>wanting to</i>. I'm not exempt from wanting to do that.<br />
<br />
With all of our various social media outlets for revealing our vanity, it does happen frequently. And most of the time our vanity is disguised as something else, and widely accepted. (Hint: #ss, #tbt, #wcw, #mcm, #wbw -- which, translated mean: selfie Sunday, throwback Thursday, woman crush Wednesday, man crush Monday, and way back Wednesday. These are a few examples of hashtags I'm familiar with, which ultimately help promote our vanity in various forms, even sometimes being used by one individual to promote the vanity of another. i.e., #wcw/#mcm.) I know that it's not always the intent, and I'm not accusing anyone specifically of this. I'm just saying these are just a few of the ways that vanity is being concealed and snuck into our lives. Again, I'm not exempt of being a part of this.<br />
<br />
…But
something happened this past week that changed my perspective on flattering
angles and special faces.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About a week ago, a new Facebook trend was brought to my
attention. Usually when that happens I roll my eyes and ignore it, but this
time I was intrigued. I wondered who started it, how long it had been
"trending," and what the purpose for it was. The trend was a
challenge by friends/to friends, to find and post five photos on their own
Facebook timeline in which they feel beautiful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
If you haven't seen it, most of them read something like,
"I was challenged by ______ to post 5 pictures I feel beautiful in, and I
challenge ________ ." (With photos posted directly underneath.)</blockquote>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
What caught my attention was that there was no apparent
vanity going on in the photos I was seeing being posted by others. The difference with this new Facebook trend was that
women all over the place were being challenged to choose just five photos to
present themselves to the [Facebook] world, and they weren't choosing the
expected, typical types of photos. It wasn't women only finding the pictures with the best angles, or the most edits and filters used--it was
women choosing events/experiences/people/moments/memories, and then sharing
photos that represent and encompass something they experienced that made them feel
beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple examples of some of my friends' responses to this
challenge:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i> "Funny how when
looking over the pictures I feel like the beauty came from the moment in and of
itself and the people that it is shared with." -Jenny Blake</i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<i>"Mostly I just love the people I'm with." -Amanda McCambridge</i></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was truly fascinated about this aspect of it. I felt it too when I was picking my own photos. (Yes, I accepted and shared the challenge.) It wasn't about what I looked like in the photos as much as the memories, and how I felt when the pictures were taken. And in the past several days I have been
enjoying seeing the chosen pictures on my newsfeed. But not just pictures; they
are snapshots of what reminds us that we are beautiful. And for a week, the
women on Facebook, in some small way, have been ignoring the part of posting
photos that allows vanity to sneak up on them. We are appreciating life by appreciating those moments with the people we love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or, maybe this is just my perspective.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if so, I'll just keep it that way.<br />
<br />
Here's a new challenge: Go back and re-read the definitions I shared above, choose for yourself what you want to present, on Facebook and in life, and then work at doing that.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-67733313374215325322014-07-17T22:39:00.000-05:002014-07-17T22:39:11.509-05:00Faithfully RiskyI may periodically day dream or try to imagine where I will be in 5, 10, or 20 years, but I wouldn't call myself ambitious. I tend to avoid anything resembling long-term commitment. I like to think of myself as someone who lives in the moment, but really it's usually just because planning too far in advance terrifies me.<br />
<br />
To be clear though, this doesn't mean that I've been drifting through life up to this point. I've made lots of commitments, I've met deadlines, and I've dedicated myself to some pretty huge tasks. Yes, I'm afraid of every single one of those things, but I have learned to cope and deal with my fears, and I feel pretty sure that life will always be thus for me; I will be perpetually coping with the mountains and valleys of commitments.<br />
<br />
That said, I have certain comfort zones that come into my life at times which are extremely difficult to break away from, and I am not someone who typically steps out of my comfort zones. There are certain places in life where I momentarily catch my footing and feel safe and then I don't want to leave that feeling. People can make me feel this way, but it is usually tough to get to "that place" with people, for me. Situations that I find myself experiencing can make me feel this way, and then I tend to favor those situations. Even in the little things, like a favorite place to go to with my friends, or a favorite type of food, or a favorite type of shampoo; I will often be the girl to apply my shampoo bottle's instructions to life: "Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat…" I'm a creature of habit, for sure.<br />
<br />
That's why this summer has been monumental. This summer, I didn't just step out of one of my comfort zones, I jumped from the plane that flew me out of my comfort zone.<br />
<br />
I have been a fairly directionless person for the majority of my life, including the moment that my last job landed in my lap. I had no idea what a life-altering job it would be for me. When I started there, it was not my intention to stay for long. (Little did I know, I would be there for 7 years.) You can imagine my appall (and incredible amount of all kinds of fear) when I began to sense that it was time to start looking for a new opportunity. That job was a safe zone in my life, and some deep part of me was stirring up trouble by making me think it was finally time to move on to something new.<br />
<br />
But I did it. Not only did I leave that job, I did it before I found a replacement job. When I explained this to people, they would say things like, "But …that's crazy." Or, "You are so brave, I could never do that!" Or, "You know, you're supposed to have a new job lined up before you quit the old one." (And then raise an eyebrow at me with that look on their face, as if to ask, "Are you okay?") But I was the first person to admit that it was more than a little risky. I understood that I was facing a new type of mountain in my 25 year old life, the difference was that I was suddenly willing to gear up and start trekking.<br />
<br />
*This blog could be about how taking that leap of faith taught me that comfort zones are stupid, and I could tell you something like, "Being ambitious is my new ambition."But I regret to say that I have not altered my entire psyche in one summer. I'm still pretty anxious <strike>most</strike> (all) of the time. I still cherish my other comfort zones. I still fear commitments.*<br />
<br />
So why did I tell this story about my issues with commitment and my eccentric approach to making life-and bank account balance-altering decisions?<br />
<br />
Because I want to talk about how that approach is affecting my relationship with God.<br />
<br />
This journey has not just been about finding a new direction for my "professional" life to go in, this journey has been about choosing not to categorize my life into labels like, "professional" or "personal," and then try to keep God out of certain categories. He belongs everywhere in my world.<br />
<br />
While I have been specifically focused on finding a new job this summer, I have realized more than ever before just how little control I actually have over the direction of any area of my life. I get to choose whether or not to keep a job, but I have no control over the way that God shapes my heart in order to lead me to that decision. I get to choose where to apply for new job opportunities, but I have no control over whether or not I will be offered a job, or how long it will take to be offered a job.<br />
<br />
God's timing and provision in my life this summer has been absolute and undeniable.<br />
<br />
I took the leap and then I waited…and waited…and waited. I faced a lot of challenges this summer, but I never felt fearful that it wasn't going to work out. I felt the weight of a budget more than ever before in my life. I felt some self-doubt when I was turned down a couple of times. I felt some exhaustion when I painted in someone's house for 12 hours straight in order to earn a little extra moolah.* But God gave me a peace of mind about my decision that carried me through all of it.<br />
<br />
*I also felt some sun rays and relaxation on days when I spent hours by the pool without a care in the world…you know, because I wasn't worried about things working out. ;)<br />
<br />
<br />
Some have called this being optimistic, but I like to think of it as being faithfully risky.<br />
<br />
Faithful, because I placed everything in His hands. Risky, only in the eyes of those who don't understand the wonderful feeling of placing everything in His hands.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And in case you are wondering…<br />
<br />
In the last week I accepted two part-time jobs, and today I interviewed for another, full-time job. And I intend to do whatever I am doing for the glory of my God.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-34176627656496668562014-04-10T21:39:00.002-05:002014-04-10T21:39:29.219-05:0026 Benefits to Being Seriously Single in Your 20s.I recently had an attack of a trending article on my Facebook homepage, being shared by all of my "couple friends." (You know, the ones who are in a relationship with someone and they make sure all of Facebook is aware of just how in love and adorable they are.) At first I ignored the first three "shares" of the article that showed up on my news feed. After seeing even more people sharing it, I finally caved and clicked the link out of curiosity. After reading, "<a href="http://www.tressugar.com/Benefits-Being-Relationship-Your-20s-34515591">26 Benefits to Being in a Serious Relationship in Your 20s</a>" on my news feed several times in a row, how could I not be a little curious? <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, let me be clear about something real quick. As a single lady, it could seem that I am just upset about others rubbing it in my face or something that I am single and they are not. But I am not writing this to complain in any way about the cutesy/gushy updates I get about these particular friends on my news feed about how wonderful their "person" is, or how well they are doing together. I am not jealous of them, I am genuinely happy for them. (No, that wasn't a typo.) The only posts involving a couple on Facebook that get annoying are the ones complaining about how bad things are. (If they're so bad, get off of Facebook and do something to make it better. Don't spread drama.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So anyway, I read the list of 26 benefits, and I was inspired to write a counter-list of benefits to being single in your 20s. Not to diminish the other list, because I'm sure some of those things are true and super nice for the ones experiencing them, but to offer a realization to single 20-somethings that life is not all pointless without a romantic sidekick cheering for you everyday, or whatever it is that significant others do. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
(Some of mine will make more sense if you read the other list first.) Here goes:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<ol>
<li>"You can still experience the fun that a single person has (like studying abroad and going out with friends)" …period. </li>
<li>You can spend time on your own, trying to understand yourself, before committing to someone, or something (career, travel, investments, etc.), in the future.</li>
<li>This is a time when you are constantly learning and growing. Take advantage of your freedom to explore in other areas of your life than your relationship status.</li>
<li>Who says you have to settle for something casual? Don't settle for anything, just be you and WAIT for something solid.</li>
<li>Nobody should really have a personal cheerleader. Egos everywhere will be far too enlarged, and pride is the opposite of true happiness. I'm convinced.</li>
<li>Your family should have some other things to ask you about than just the old 'who are you dating now?' question. If not, make sure they know you have other things going on in your life. If you don't, you need to figure out your priorities anyway.</li>
<li>While getting to know yourself, and watching your couple friends date, you can discover things that are important to you for a future relationship and see how to be or how not to be, based on your friends' relationships.</li>
<li>Finding ways to trust yourself, your friends, and your family before seriously dating someone will help you when the time comes to trust that ONE person.</li>
<li>"At the end of the day…" Nobody should even say this expression anymore. At the end of the day it's the end of the day. Figure out how to make the most of your day and live in the moment. One day you might have someone to come home to, but today is not one day.</li>
<li>I'm keeping this one the same. "While friends are telling you about all the immature guys they meet on Tinder or at bars, you don't have to deal with jerks on a weekly basis." That's still true. No one has to "deal" with anything just because they are single.</li>
<li>Other things also equal reduced risks of STDs. But anyway…</li>
<li>No one actually loves EVERY part of you, <i>really. </i>There will always be the little things. Surround yourself with friends who accept you and learn to accept yourself. That's going to make a relationship with anyone a lot easier.</li>
<li>You can challenge yourself every day, and have great adventures with people you love. Who says single people can't have some fun? (Refer to #1 if you are unsure.)</li>
<li>You feel as much pressure (from yourself or others) to get married as you allow. If you aren't ready, or you haven't found the right one, don't rush. </li>
<li>I feel like I've said this already, but focus on having some good friends around you for those "drunkenly dancing" kinds of nights. I sure hope you are not just going out and drunkenly dancing all on your own, that's no fun.</li>
<li>Being single gives you the chance to find and truly rely on some quality friends. When you're dating, other friends sometimes don't get as much attention. Focus on being a good friend to others and you will be a happier person. Trust me.</li>
<li>Awkward family gatherings don't always need more people. But if they need a little something, it's usually the fun single person who can give the extra kick. ;P</li>
<li>Try to feel good about yourself BEFORE dating someone. </li>
<li>No juggling another person's needs along with yours. Focus on your own goals, know what YOUR ambitions are. </li>
<li>Practice doesn't always make perfect. Some times dating too much, or settling in with someone too soon makes tired, grumpy people who no longer have the energy to invest in the relationship five, ten, or fifteen years down the road. Waiting and being truly ready to invest in someone else will make it all the more doable when the right person does come along.</li>
<li>Single people get to do mundane things and have fun with it, too. And we can do those things whenever we feel like it.</li>
<li>If close friends are spreading out and doing stuff with their lives, you have some extra time to make new ones, or venture into new hobbies, or travel with them. Take advantage of your TIME while you have it.</li>
<li>You can do what you want with your nights. Go out with friends. Stay in and wear sweats. Visit the fam. Enjoy your options. </li>
<li>Obviously, you will be a better person already if you are not sitting around focusing on how lonely you are. Be single. Enjoy it. It won't last forever if you are making yourself happy and not moping, someone will notice.</li>
<li>Remind your non-single friends how blessed they are, if they truly are. And when you see a friend struggling in their relationship, be there for them and help them from an outside perspective to know if it's time to throw in the towel or time to work harder. And when a friend goes through a break up, remind them how to thrive in the single life.</li>
<li>If you can't see it already, I'll spell it out for you: Whatever your situation, make it count. Being single will be great if you let it be, and being in a relationship will be better if you have already tried to get the most out of being single.</li>
</ol>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-46963963876212465812012-12-15T12:37:00.001-06:002012-12-15T12:37:28.076-06:00ENTRY #5 The Danger of Loving Nothing from Erwin McManus' book, Soul CravingsYesterday <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/15/us/connecticut-school-shooting/index.html">an unnecessary evil</a> took place.<br />
<br />
Today I was reading a book by a favorite author, Erwin McManus, called Soul Cravings. It's a kind of introspective read; a look at humanity, an attempt to ask and tell what our souls are always craving, and an explanation for some side effects of not having enough of what we need; it's about <b><i><span style="font-size: large;">LOVE.</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b>
I came to this part of the book and thought it was very applicable to yesterday's events:<br />
<br />
ENTRY #5 The Danger of Loving Nothing<br />
<br />
Ironically, sometimes when we feel there is no place for us in the world, we choose to live a life of isolation and disconnectedness--sort of our way of sticking it to all of humanity before they can get to us.<br />
You've asked yourself the question over and over again, <i>If there anyone who really cares? </i>And your conclusion is, <i>No. </i>So you decide to join them. You're not going to care either. You're not going to feel any more hurt.<br />
Sometimes we take this so far that we decide the only way not to feel pain is to inflict it.<br />
It shouldn't surprise us that Ted Kaczynski, better known as the Unabomber, had chosen a life os isolation and disconnectedness, rejecting a world that he concluded had rejected him. It wasn't enough to simply run from it; he had to find some way to destroy it. Even the designation given him is revealing--<i>Una</i>bomber.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Una--</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
one</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
singular</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
solitary</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
alone</div>
</blockquote>
Contact with the real world--it's not optional; it's essential. We are created for relationship. We are born for community. For us to be healthy, we must be a part of others. Independence is one thing' isolation is another. The more we live disconnected lives, the more we become indifferent to the well-being of others.<br />
<br />
Over the years we've come to expect urban violence. If we were honest with ourselves, we would have to acknowledge that many of us have become desensitized to crime and violence in our inner cities and especially among the urban poor, which is probably why what happened in the quiet community of Jefferson County, Colorado so affected the American psyche. Two teenage boys planned for over a year to ruthlessly massacre as many students and teachers at Columbine High School as possible. If I know nothing else about Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, I know that they had given up on love. they no longer considered themselves a part of the human community. They cared for no one and cared about no one, not even themselves. Where there is no love, there is no value for life. When hate consumes our hearts, all we can think of, all we desire, is to destroy.<br />
<br />
When there is disengagement from human community, there is potential for inhumanity.<br />
<br />
The human heart was not created to be a container for hate.<br />
<br />
When we allow bitterness, jealousy, envy, racism, lust, greed, and arrogance to fuel our souls, we create an environment within us to be agents of violence.<br />
We live in a time when the most terrifying bomb is not a nuclear one, but a human one.<br />
<br />
This is where humanity has come. This is how far we've evolved. We strap bombs around our chests, lure innocents into our presence, and then consider ourselves heroes as we destroy everything around us. If this were not bad enough, for some it has become a proof of spirituality.<br />
There are people walking around us waiting to EXPLODE!<br />
How many of us are walking around with fuses already lit? With the danger of oversimplifying, you are a danger to the world when you love nothing, and you're even more dangerous when you love the wrong things. When there is a vacuum of love within your soul, hate, bitterness, envy, and racism rush to fill the empty space.<br />
There is a dramatic difference between fanaticism and love. Fanaticism justifies and defines who you hate. Love embraces and leaves no room for violence.<br />
On September 1 every year, children, parents, and families gather to celebrate what is known in Russia as the Day of Knowledge. It's on this day, after hearing speeches and critical information for the new year, that the first graders give flowers to what are described as the "last graders."<br />
It was exactly on this day that Chechen terrorists chose to seize a school in Beslan, Russia. It was September 1, 2004, when Beslan Middle School Number One was stormed by a group of approximately 30 armed men and women. Over 1,300 hostages were taken, most of whom were children under the age of eighteen. At the end of three days, the hostage crisis culminated in a barrage of gunfire between the hostage takers and the Russian security forces.<br />
When the dust had settled, 344 civilians were killed; 186 of them were children. You don't have to understand the complexities of Russian politics to know something went terribly wrong.<br />
<br />
What happens inside a human being for an ideology to become more important than a human life?<br />
<br />
Even those of us who disdain violence at every level could understand using force to protect the innocent, but how can any of us find a rationale for acts like this? How dark must a human soul become, how hard must a human heart become, to allow us to snuff out a life to simply make a point?<br />
<br />
We stand in the midst of a human dilemma.<br />
We long for community; we long to belong; we long for love.<br />
Yet what we long for most we seem incapable of sustaining.<br />
We are safer in the jungle than in the city.<br />
We are our own worst enemies.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-65317253445549240792012-11-24T11:12:00.001-06:002012-11-24T11:13:07.829-06:00IdentityAn identity that is not identical to anyone else, with an ideology to identify the way these idiosyncrasies indent the idle lives around me. It's an ideal idea; idealism. But it's inane to think this idiocy could ever incorporate independence from indigent personalities. Individualism aside, our inescapable inertia is infectious; we incur it willingly. And it's incredible that despite my internal incriminations and iniquities, in love, you have indulged my soul with infinity.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-49895883029110378162012-11-16T21:35:00.001-06:002012-11-16T21:35:22.563-06:00DreamsLike fog,<br />
<br />
Blocking images.<br />
<br />
Hiding; revealing.<br />
<br />
Cold, moist, everywhere.<br />
<br />
Down low.<br />
<br />
Mist.<br />
<br />
Finding.<br />
<br />
Surprising.<br />
<br />
Darkness.<br />
Dark.<br />
Darker.<br />
<br />
Smoke; fading.<br />
<br />
Eyes closed.<br />
<br />
Eyes flitter.<br />
<br />
Find out: jump out.<br />
<br />
Like fog.<br />
<br />
Eyes open.<br />
<br />
Gone.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-34149900380360340062012-08-27T23:04:00.000-05:002012-11-16T21:32:19.832-06:00The WaveI feel life moving in around me; a wave;<br />
A thrashing mountain of blue.<br />
Clear, dangerous, exciting:<br />
In the ocean there is no end, only a deep, deep grave.<br />
And this is where I am.<br />
<br />
Each sprinkle of salt on my skin; I anticipate again and again.<br />
What is to come is coming fast;<br />
Clean, powerless, anxious.<br />
On the sand, watching the sun fade,<br />
...As if it's already been felt.<br />
<br />
Blue.<br />
<br />
Blue.<br />
<br />
Blue;<br />
The only color I am seeing;<br />
The only place where the sky can touch the water.<br />
<br />
Alive.<br />
<br />
Alive.<br />
<br />
Alive;<br />
The only time I ever feel scared is when I can't feel it.<br />
The only way to get through it is to bear it.<br />
<br />
I feel it moving now, as if it's already been felt.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-40859521255725539642012-01-02T00:19:00.000-06:002012-01-02T00:19:05.345-06:00Testimony of Christ in me.I'm learning that who I am through Christ is more important than who I am without Him. It's the most freeing thing I've ever experienced; nothing else could ever satiate my heart, mind, and soul. I don't want to bother people who don't want to know Him, but I'm not willing to keep the most important thing I will ever know, a secret. If you don't want to know anything else about this topic, stop reading now.<br />
<br />
If I could cure illnesses, I would tell everyone. If I could cheat death, I would tell everyone. If could teach joy and love, I would. If I could give away contentment and happiness, I would. But I can't do those things.<br />
<br />
What I can do is talk about my Savior, who came to rescue us from ourselves, and our tragic fate on earth. He isn't magical, but He is powerful, and He is love. He brings freedom from fear of life or death, and purpose beyond your wildest imagination. He gives us more than we could ever give back. He guarantees his love to those who choose to acknowledge Him and adore Him for who he is.<br />
<br />
Yet we waste time on the non-guaranteed, and we risk everything on anything else, just to hide from Him. So we can say we are in control, and we did it all ourselves. We seek the here and now in place of seeking the hope found in Christ, or hope in anything, for that matter, because "here and now" is tangible, and hope feels like wishful thinking. (Until you've experienced it in the magnitude of Christ.)<br />
<br />
The truth is: the things we do are never enough. The lives we build are temporary, everyone is destined to die, and nobody knows exactly what comes after death. People live in fear, seeking anything they can get their hands on to comfort them while they wait for the scary unknown. Happiness is the word people use to describe whatever else they feel in between the fear. Love is just something we think we feel, and it is VERY conditional and limited. People get lonely, feel lost, suffer pain, face addictions, illnesses, death. It's really tragic, and we cannot save ourselves from it, no matter how hard we try.<br />
<br />
That's where Christ comes in, He does what we can't do for ourselves. When you know Him, when you encounter the Living God, your Creator, you don't just feel better, you are brand new. You can't go back from this kind of genuine, unconditional, non-fearful, unlimited, eternal; love.<br />
<br />
If you've never felt it or known it, you can't possibly know what you're missing out on, but that's why people who know Him should be telling everyone they know, what it's like. Because it really is important, and valid to existence. Not just now, but in eternity. Not just to get you out of hell one day, but also to save you from the "hell" on earth that every man, woman, and child has to face in some form or another.<br />
<br />
Christ is not just about going to church, being good enough, getting out of hell one day, saving other people, feeling validated, finding purpose, or other reasons people come up with to make Christ who they want him to be. Knowing Him is what it takes to reconcile ourselves to God, to reconnect with the very thing we were created to do. Knowing Christ means finding grace and truth, and not wanting to let go of it for anything else. The purpose of God is not to fit Him into our lives, but to let him fill our lives until our lives reflect and glorify Him.<br />
<br />
It's not about any of us. It never was. It's always been about the God of the universe. He was and is and is to come. He made us, to be with him and glorify His name. There's so much more going on than we are aware of, and Christ came to make us aware of it.<br />
<br />
Please don't ignore him, whatever you do. You're missing out if you do, in more ways than you'll ever realize.<br />
<div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-65125925459481665542011-12-04T19:29:00.001-06:002011-12-04T19:30:46.205-06:00Profound realizations.I do not open my eyes and wake up each morning just to stay in bed.<br />
<br />
I do not get out of bed just to stand still and not go anywhere.<br />
<br />
I do not go places just to be invisible and never do anything.<br />
<br />
I do not take action just to do some thing that means nothing to me, I do some thing because it's the very thing I'm supposed to be doing at that moment.<br />
<br />
I do not do these things without being seen by others and without ever knowing another person.<br />
<br />
<br />
I do not want to meet new people or keep in touch with my past without a more significant meaning behind it.<br />
<br />
I do not want to be silent in this world.<br />
<br />
I do not want to avoid anything.<br />
<br />
I have passions, desires, interests, opportunities, and I will seek each and every thing that I choose to seek. <br />
<br />
I will live in the moment while simultaneously seeking the future and remembering my great past; great, not because it is spectacular to anyone else, but because it is my very own.<br />
<br />
I have these things, think these things, feel these things, am these things; there is no avoiding myself.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
...But all of this would only be enough purpose for me had I not already experienced a greater reality outside of all of it. This world; the things, the people, the majestic places my eyes have never seen--this whole planet and the whole universe--they are not enough.<br />
<br />
They would have been, had I never experienced God. But now I know Him, and he knows me. I will say it and claim it as much as I can, where ever I am. Without shame, without fear, and without doubt.<br />
<br />
Christ is my eternal Savior, and His love; my daily comforter. <br />
God is my Lord, my Shepherd, my Father; and I am His servant, his sheep, and his beloved child. <br />
The Holy Spirit is my lifeforce, my guardian, and my counselor.<br />
And they are all one in the same.<br />
<br />
My reality exists because they exist. My life has meaning because they are my life.<br />
<br />
In Christ alone my hope is found; nothing else will satiate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For it the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven! When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: 'Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.' This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakeable things will remain. Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakeable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Hebrews 12: 25-29</span></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-37097592967414309502011-10-13T03:40:00.001-05:002011-10-13T03:41:17.185-05:00John 3:30I was like the wind, I was my flesh.<br />
On what I am made of, <br />
I was nothing;<br />
a weak human force.<br />
Pointless breaths, <br />
but to be a prize in pointless conversations.<br />
For better and for worse. <br />
<br />
Less of me, less of me...<br />
<br />
Love does not reshape the earth <br />
or move the heavens.<br />
But how love can mess the arrangement of lives!<br />
Circling like a cynical vulture,<br />
waiting to devour our minds.<br />
<br />
For better and for worse. <br />
<br />
<br />
Less of me, less of me...<br />
<br />
Evil is not the opposite of good,<br />
and hate is not evil. <br />
I was not good, but I hated evil.<br />
I was not evil, but I hated what I was becoming.<br />
Time to choose. <br />
From creation to commitment; to future glory.<br />
For better and for worse.<br />
<br />
Less of me, less of me...<br />
<br />
Light reflection, eyes with tunnel vision.<br />
How could I have ever found you on my own?<br />
A supernatural life force inside, <br />
I am no longer what has once died. <br />
For better and for worse, forever.<br />
I want less of me and more of you.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-43178556087448946612011-07-25T00:02:00.001-05:002011-07-25T00:17:40.125-05:00Loving others; introspection to introgression.I pulled the following writings from <a href="http://slowsuburbansafari.blogspot.com/">my cousin's phenomenal blog</a>, although she is not the original author, she found them worthy of displaying on her site. I also found them worthy of being pondered, written about, and passed along as necessary life lessons which, I think, we should all always consider ourselves in need of. :) <br />
<br />
<blockquote>One of my greatest lessons learned:<br />
Know that everyone has a story.<br />
If you disagree with someone or find them hurtful or offensive or they trigger any major feeling inside you...be purposeful in asking.<br />
Do not merely listen to their story.<br />
Hear it.<br />
Let it change you.<br />
This has radically altered my life. It has brought much complication and pain, much joy and happiness. It has forced me to trade understanding for judgment and kindness for anger.<br />
Please get very good at it so you can remind me, when I forget.</blockquote>-written by Christine on her blog <a href="http://www.welcometomybrain.net/2010/03/everyone-has-story.html">here</a>.<br />
<blockquote><br />
I’ve learned that I have no idea who my teachers are. When I am silently ruminating over how I think I know more than some person who is irritating me, I am more likely shutting down the voice of a teacher that I need to learn something from.<br />
<br />
I’ve learned that kindness is not something I merely indulge myself in when everything is going my way, but is a discipline I need to practice – especially when I feel tired, irritated, or feel like I have a justifiable complaint against someone. Being mean is being lazy.</blockquote>-Excerpted from <a href="http://livinginmycar.com/blog/2010/09/15/what-i%E2%80%99ve-learned-so-far-revised-and-expanded/">this blog</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
I think that last line of the second author's thoughts sums up what importance lies in where our priorities will be. As we live on earth with the rest of the other lost and broken pieces of humanity we call fellow human beings, our soul's possible connection to anything rests on whether or not we can give and take love; our lives often rest on whether or not our souls can connect. Therefore, the valuable gestures of reaching out to other people is not just something that makes us or the other person feel good for just a few moments, or mere hours, it's something that has the potential to alter the existence of those two people for eternity.<br />
<br />
As a Christ-follower, my faith is based on the fundamental and eternal truth that Christ's love for me, and my belief that he is all I need, has made my eternity reach it's fullest potential, and that his love within me is what gives me the ability to reach that potential, and to help coast others to the same kind of potential. <br />
<br />
Paul paints a resplendent description of our humanness being touched by the power of God in 2 Corinthians 4. For me this passage arranges an immovable passion and awareness in my heart for bearing the weight of life with others, and for others, whenever I can. In verse 7 he states that while we now have God's light shining in our hearts, we are still just like fragile clay jars trying to contain a great treasure. Meaning that while we are now holding something bigger than ourselves, it does not happen by our own power, and it is not our power which causes that powerful light to remain with us. Paul goes on to talk about what our fragile human spirits will most likely need to endure as we bear the weight of life, about how and why we endure through it all, and he encourages us in his closing statements regarding the eternity we await.<br />
<br />
<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: x-small;">We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">We are perplexed but not driven to despair. (v.8)</span></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-size: x-small;">We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.(v.9)</span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: right;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in God, so I spoke."(v.11, referring to Psalm 116:10)</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">...And as God's grace reaches more and more people, there will be thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. (v. 15) </span></div></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><div style="text-align: right;"></div><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we can see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (v.17&18)</span></div></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><br />
<br />
Another (more famous) passage Paul wrote also comes to mind, one verse in particular:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">If I gave everything I had to the poor and sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.<br />
1 Corinthians 13:3<br />
<br />
*</span></div></blockquote><br />
Think about that.<br />
<br />
<br />
If God sent Jesus, and Jesus didn't love us even in his death, what would he have gained? What would have been accomplished? The story of the cross loses some of it's miracle and power when we erase love from Christ's heart as he is pierced and abused for our sake that day. The words of God in scripture would be so much less emotionally gravitating if we took out every mention of his love for us. I would find it so much harder to feel passionate about a God who is only just, only wrath, only judgement, etc. His love is what holds our existence together; his love is what offers an alternative option, now and forever. His love is what instills our desires to love him back, to worship him, to devote our time and thoughts to him, to land on our knees as prayerful tears touch our faces; his love is what creates love within us.<br />
<br />
As I go over these thoughts, as I try to imagine every area of my life in which I can apply Christ's love, and I am overwhelmed with the unending range I have left to cover; if I start this second, applying these lessons to my life, and never fail again for as long as I live, it will still not be enough. Not even close.<br />
<br />
But if all I do is think about it, it will be the same as not caring at all. So I have no other option but to move forward with this inner meandering of mine and turn it into outward action that the world cannot ignore. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*The Mumford & Sons song, "Awake My Soul" (which you can find on my playlist), has the perfect lyrics to correlate with this particular topic of rumination:<br />
<i><br />
In these bodies we will live; In these bodies we will die.<br />
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><br />
</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-47040343188484728342011-06-08T22:21:00.000-05:002011-06-08T22:21:51.711-05:00Florence Ann.<blockquote>"April 15th, 2011<br />
<br />
Today my Grandma turned 82. My mom and I made the 4 hour (at least) drive to visit her and celebrate her birthday and her life up to this point. We left early enough to arrive just in time to have lunch with Grandma and some other family members, and then visit for a while. <br />
<br />
During our time here we were privileged enough to sit in on a special 16th anniversary party at the home where she is staying. I don't think it was a coincidence that her birthday and this particular event intertwined for a day, nor the fact that we got to be here for it. The administrator, Dee, held a special service for all of the residents, and I was blown away by how well she knew all of the residents so well. She brought each person to the front of the room and sat them in a chair of honor, as she spoke affectionately about them, as if they were part of her own family. She accurately described each person's individual talents, personalities, and unique presence that they bring to the home to make it feel like a home. <br />
<br />
I wasn't really expecting to enjoy the ceremony, if I'm being honest, but I was taken back by how cool it was to learn about each of these people's lives. Hearing about the fun stories and liveliness everyone contributes to the home made me feel less anxious about being surrounded by the "<b><u>much</u></b> older and wiser" crowd, which I will admit is my typical feeling around people who are more advanced in age. :) I usually can't help but wonder if they're all happy with who they are, and satisfied with their lives, and things like that. It gets me thinking about my own life, and wondering if I will be satisfied when I reach that age, or if I will ever really be ready for when that day comes, if it does come. As Dee spoke, I listened to the diversity of people in the room, and all the great things that everyone loves about them. I tried to guess what she would have to say about my Grandma, and then it dawned on me that I knew exactly what she was going to say. <br />
<br />
My Grandma is one of the few people I know who genuinely and unconditionally loves people, especially her enormous clan of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Not to mention the bountiful mix of other relatives to fill her time thinking about. She has always seemed to have such an extraordinary understanding of how precious time is, and has always cherished spending her time with her family, or thinking about her family, or praying for them. So this afternoon when Dee told the room how blown away she was the first time she realized how consumed my Grandmother's mind was with prayers and adoring thoughts for her family and friends, and even more so, how spiritually minded she was, and how that love for God shines out of her like sunshine, I was not surprised even for a second. I knew she was right, and I was completely in awe of how my Grandma had found this day, the first day of her eighty-second year of life, with such amazing success, in my opinion. How incredibly blessed she has been to have had a life of faith, and to have been constantly surrounded by an abundance of family members who truly love her. <br />
<br />
I heard Dee's words with a certain amount of pride in my heart to know that I was the Granddaughter of the amazing woman sitting in the chair at the front of the room, and it became clear to me that if I ever get to a point where I am half as blessed as my Grandma has been, I would be content. And I am so grateful that I was born into a family so held together by that faith and love, which she is a fantastic example of."<br />
<br />
</blockquote>About two months have gone by since I wrote that note in my journal. Two very short months ago my Grandma was not so bad, not great, but she was still so aware, and alive, and happy. I talked to her, and she asked me questions about my job and things. We all ate lunch and laughed together, and we all took her for a walk outside. As she held onto my arm while we walked, I remembered all the times we had walked hand-in-hand down her long driveway at the farm in Meriden when I was a little girl, only then I wasn't the one holding her up, it was her pulling me along. The breeze outside carried the smell of her sweater to my nose, and it smelled exactly like I remembered. There's something charming and magical about that sweet smell of my Grandmother's sweaters. <br />
<br />
Now that we are nearing the time to say "good-bye", it is bittersweet to recall these things. I love thinking on it, but it makes me sad to know that soon those memories will be all I have left of her. It is a true heartache to try to face the "good-bye" part of life, but it is almost unbearable to watch someone you care about be in the state of health my Grandma is in now. Right now our entire family is praying for her to be able to go "home" quickly, and I know God has things under control. For those of us who have chosen to believe in, and commit our lives to Christ, I know this good-bye is temporary until it's our turn to go to heaven to be with the Lord. And I know that the same memories about Grandma that make our hearts sing now, will only intensify as we come together to meditate on the wonderful life she had, and the blessings of all that she was to everyone she knew. She has been the glue to hold this family together for 60 years, her life and her example of marvelous faith and love will be carried on through every child, grandchild, and great-grandchild who experienced her authenticity throughout those many years.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-38201931965299427992011-04-12T22:46:00.000-05:002011-04-12T22:46:29.836-05:00"IDON'TKNOW."...I took some notes, I swished it all around in my mind for a minute, but I couldn't let it rest. <br />
<br />
-How do I become authentic, vulnerable and transparent?<br />
I am hypocritical, cowardly, and guarded.<br />
I am not enough, yet I refuse to ask what is enough.<br />
I make my own decisions and I deal with my own consequences, but how does that connect me to others?<br />
I am stubborn, impatient, independent, and irrational at times; So how do I let other people into my world?<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Am I keeping too much to myself?<br />
ISN'TTHATTHEPOINT?</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Those who say the live in God should live their lives as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6</blockquote><blockquote><blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>I haven't figured out yet exactly what this means for me, but I know I am definitely not loving like Jesus did. So there's the beginning...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-20061891616520087982011-04-07T23:20:00.000-05:002011-04-07T23:20:26.797-05:00Quick, time for an update.<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Days-Secret-Place-Gene-Edwards/dp/0768420652">This is what I'm reading right now.</a><br />
<br />
^Life-changing, mind-blowing, perspective renewing stuff right there.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-89881469630877144222011-03-06T18:47:00.000-06:002011-03-06T18:47:49.481-06:00There are no ordinary people.C.S. Lewis onc<span style="font-size: small;">e</span> wrote:<br />
"<span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;">It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. <strong>There are no <em>ordinary</em> people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.</strong> Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. <strong>But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;">(From his sermon titled "The Weight of Glory")<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I thought this was an interesting perspective of the future of our souls in eternity, and I can't help but wonder: If we could really understand and glimpse what is to become of each other, how differently would we all treat one another?<br />
<br />
</span></span><br />
</span></strong></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-12650924722299996522011-02-28T21:48:00.001-06:002011-02-28T21:52:10.552-06:00"Not really, no."<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">About 3 hours ago a friend posed some questions on his Facebook status:</span><br />
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="messageBody">"Don't you believe we are more than just mammals - that we have soul and feeling and purpose? Don't you believe we were created for something more meaningful?"</span></i></span></b><span class="messageBody"><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">A friend of his then stated:<br />
<i style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> "</span></b></i></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><b><span data-jsid="text">Not really, no. Honestly. To be human is beautiful, but we don't need a soul, a creator, or a purpose for that to be true."</span></b></i></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="messageBody"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">This really got me thinking. Those words, "Not really, no." struck a nerve in me. <br />
<br />
I'm going to be honest, I have never in my life been faced with doubt of whether or not I had a soul, or a purpose. From diapers 'til present, I have been exposed to and taught about the concept of things like God, eternity, souls, heaven, and hell. I haven't always taken it seriously, but I could never bring myself to let go of these things as facts. They have always been true to me, and I could never fathom how anyone didn't find them as just that, facts. I can't imagine walking through life asking myself if I had a soul, and then honestly answering, "Not really, no." My perspective may be biased, but as I'm just now exploring the question of having a soul or not, I wanted to share my thoughts.</span></span><b><span class="messageBody"></span><i><span class="messageBody"><br />
</span></i></b></span></h6><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I think if we disbelieve that we have a soul, our opinion is discounted. To explain, I have to also say that it is my belief that while our brains are beyond phenomenal, and are much needed in order to have </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prefrontal_cortex" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">knowledge enough to form our opinion</a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">, it is a soul which creates the opinion. To me, you cannot explain things like art, beauty, philosophy, dreams, or opinions, with just a physical mind, but with the individual soul, which is created to be creative. The brain is the knowledge reservoir, the soul is what turns it to wisdom and life. (This thought is similar to the philosophy of the mind term, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dualism_%28philosophy_of_mind%29" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dualism</a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I think my favorite thought on this is from one of my favorite people ever, C.S. Lewis:</span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."</span></span></blockquote></blockquote></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">To me, God gave me a soul, created in his image, so that I can have a relationship with him and love him. I couldn't do that with just my mind and my own understanding. He gives us our phenomenal human body to carry our soul while we're here, and it's because we're here that we know we have a purpose. </span><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">What is the point of having a soul and a relationship with God, and then also a body? <br />
The body seems unimportant and useless from this view point; inhabiting time here on earth rather than skipping the whole process and being directly created for an eternity with God in heaven.</span></span></span></blockquote></div><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">God didn't want to just create us there with him, he wants us to have a choice, and to choose it. Our soul is how his existence can reach us, our life is designed to bring glory to him, and our free will allows us to reject that or believe it. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Our purpose is not just to choose Him, but to also tell the world about him once we have faith in Him, so that no one is left asking <i>"What's next?"</i>. If it weren't for those things, we could have easily skipped a lot of this process of making our way back to our intended destination, eternity with God</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">. We have a great responsibility with the short time God has given us. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">He could have made us as mere clones, or angelic beings constantly worshiping him forever without having a choice in the matter. But he didn't. Don't you think there's a reason for that? I believe that He did give us a soul, He did give us a body, He did give us a purpose, and He has also given us reasons to trust Him.</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945644252551615991.post-50557623804552995152011-02-20T14:42:00.000-06:002011-02-20T14:42:17.985-06:00Do without. (It's fun.)A bag to hold your gifts is carrying what you could do so much with.<br />
Isn't it obvious?<br />
<br />
To wait is to find.<br />
To follow is laborious, and staying is difficult for anybody who thinks it's not.<br />
<br />
Tiny jumbo thoughts ringing in your limbs,<br />
moving with your brain and rhyming all your hands can say.<br />
<br />
If I could, I would. <br />
I want to say it, but it's hard to find words for what I'm doing.<br />
<br />
Practicing a word or two.<br />
May I?<br />
<br />
A thousand and a half add up, but just two can link "now" with final.<br />
I think I'll show you how, in smooth illustration, <br />
what writing can do if you go without using just a minor thing:<br />
<br />
The Letter E.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0