To lose myself is to gain Christ.

"'Tis mad idolatry to make the service greater than the god."
William Shakespeare

I don't know anything about the thoughts in Shakespeare's mind which led him to make this statement, but I do know what thoughts are triggered in my own mind upon reading it. It's an interesting idea to think that even the most servitude-focused believers--all ages and phases of life included--can end up creating the nature of idolization within their ministries. Even those which began with the greatest of desires to be humble and serviant, and with the best motivation behind their actions, can fall into the impudence that is the mind-numbing Christian soul who has been lost to the cause of Satan's trickery through the use of the humanness of he or she. Somewhere in the shuffle we go from loving God and his people, and wanting to outwardly "do God's will", to misplacing God's will somewhere behind our own vision, and [sometimes] unintentionally we get trapped by our own ego or pride. Not that we walk around verbally bragging about the things we are doing, but that in our hearts we have begun to believe that it is in fact us who is doing any of it, rather than God in us. God is the one to instigate ministry, to plant the desire and passion in his child's heart, and to inflict the spiritual qualities necessary to accomplish every part of that plan. If we allow ourselves for one second to lose our understanding of any of those facts, even if we are doing something worthwhile, it is not with humility. And if we have no humility, we are forsaking our opportunity to be glorifying in our service.
What is the point of service if not to bring the Lord's name glory? He doesn't ask us to meet just the material and physical needs of this lost world, but also the spiritual needs. To proclaim HIS NAME in our thoughts and actions by doing HIS WORK. There is nothing about the call of living for Christ which is designed to comfort us, other than experiencing our God and knowing his love more each day. There is nothing about our serving others (as God designed it) that is supposed to somehow glorify ourselves. There is no room for feeling our ego in any of God's work, and as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be any room in my life for some other kind of work. I should at all times be ready and willing to selflessly be guided into whatever God has orchestrated, with faith--but not pride--in the skills God has given me, in order to bring His name glory. That's all there is to it.

God does not marvel at our work, he marvels at His work. In Genesis we see God's creativity, but we also glimpse his admiration for his own work. I counted six times in the first chapter when--as He completed each part of creation--"God saw that it was good", and once (after creating Adam) when "God saw that it was VERY good."  In Job 38 and 39 there is an amazing description of just how marvelous God's power and creativity is, and an obvious Almighty-ness in God's every word as he speaks about all of the things he created and controls. The fact of the matter is, we are nothing without Him. Our efforts are meaningless until we want Him to work through us, and then humbly present ourselves to him and our fellow believers as nothing more than a vessel of HIS power. Yes, we will share in Christ's glory, but only through his sacrifice, because of the Father's promise and provision, and by the power of the Holy Spirit. We have the chance to pretend otherwise, or to ignore these facts, because God has granted us permission to choose, but it is still God who holds the power to grant that permission, not us. He did not leave any room for another interpretation, He just lets us decide whether to pay attention to it or not.

To forfeit the opportunity of falling at the mercy of Jesus, to find the grace of God, and to feel the Power of the Spirit, is to flee from true life in the midst of a dying world. If we do not come to Him boldly, but with humility and obedience, we won't ever experience Him. To try living without God is to gladly be feeding your soul with the emptiness of the world, while constantly longing for the precious affirmation and fullness which can only be found in Christ's life. You can do good things in the world without loving God, but you cannot feel God's presence in your life by doing good things. Even those who are called Christians will never feel the life of Christ, or the love of Christ, if they spare any place in their heart for any other reasons behind their faith than to be falling in love with God and the purpose he has for their lives. By holding on to any thing else, you negate your attempts of godliness, and Satan will use whatever you are holding on to as a way of vacating your heart of all desire for God, and lead you into a desolate sense of loss. Nothing can ever remove you from God once you are his child, not even Satan, but Satan, knowing this, will do everything he can to at least have you be miserably dependent upon the things of the world rather than the heavenly and spiritual blessings God is offering us in our here and now. God will never forsake you, even if you forsake him, but Satan will send you into a spiraling mess of pride or greed, or many other things, rather than than watch you be happy, and content, and alive in Christ. He doesn't care how we lose sight, he only wants to be sure to blind us.

John Calvin once said, "Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if a man believes his own mind it is certain that he will forsake God and forge some idol in his own brain."

It's a little steep to sled down, but I think he's definitely on to something. As I read through and take in different parts of the Bible, I see a critical warning, over and over. If we want to grow in the Spirit, mature in our faith, and be useful to God, we must be constantly work hard to keep the right attitude, and guard our hearts and minds. It's not just because of the evil things of the world that might crash into us and change us, but also, mainly, because of what's already within our hearts and minds. God's warnings are not only because there is evil elsewhere, but because he knows there is already evil lurking within us. It's waiting to be unleashed by the slightest instance or the tiniest sliver of something other than what the Holy Spirit is at work doing, i.e., Satan's lies, or our own human nature. No matter what you think, it's not a once-in-a-while kind of thing, and we as humans are not "mostly good." There is a battle between flesh and Spirit that never ceases until we get to heaven; a battle that was being fought for our benefit long before we were even a speck on this earth. If we aren't careful with our attitude about our fellow believers, or the way we go about "tackling" ministry needs, or the way we worship on Sunday morning, or Saturday night, or Tuesday afternoon, then we are laying ourselves in Satan's palms, and he is ready to turn our lives upside down.

I heard this quote a little while ago and it comes to mind now:
"Your soul is the most important thing to be feeding. If you aren't, Satan is." And with what do we "feed our soul"? Truth. God's word. Scripture. Study it. Memorize it. Sit in awe at the beauty of it. Marvel at the power of it. Be mesmerized by God. Let it envelop you, enthrall you, capture you, seduce you. Do not allow Satan to disinterest you and prevent you from feeling God, and experiencing Him feeding your soul with his raw love and intoxicating grace. Once you have fallen in love with the God of the universe, there is no turning back. You will yearn for it more and more, you will seek Him, you will run to His word and long to experience Him more and more. It will transform your world, wreak havoc on your old habits, and inhibit the devil from ever again capturing your attention with lies. His presence here in my own life is a miracle, and I can't imagine that I will ever again be able to take him for granted.

A friend on facebook recently wrote this on his status, I don't know if he was the original author or not, but I liked the thought:
"It's easy to get caught up in what we do to the point that we want it to define us, when it should be God's redefinition of who we are that defines what we do."


What have I given up in order to become more like my Savior? What discomfort am I willing to experience in order to experience God? What have I done, or what am I doing, that is worthy to show Christ? Does my life truly reflect Him, and reveal Him to the world?

I believe there is nothing of more importance. I believe there is no greater success than to seek Christ with all my heart, strength, and mind, all the days of my life. I know that there isn't anything else on earth or in heaven that will ever satiate my soul. But do my actions and thoughts prove that belief as something that has altered my existence?
I yearn for God to grow closer to me, yet every time His presence in my life is evident, I shirk away in embarrassment, or any number of other awful things, and hide behind my mask of doubt and disbelief that God could really do what he says he will. Or maybe it's fear that He actually will. Because that would mean some sort of change in my world, some sort of discomfort. How can I be so selfish that I feel misguided at times because I have to face something inconvenient? How can I be so ungrateful for the miracle of God's life in mine, to feel like I should still be allowed to retain some remnant of that old life?

My prayer is that my heart would begin to lose the dark tinge of that old self as it grows lighter and lighter with the things Christ shines into it. That my life would begin to show how great and awesome my God is, rather than how feeble and pathetic I am. And that if I find an outlet for my God-given abilities and passions here on earth, that I would not forget the very reason I exist. God, please teach me humility. And please grant me joy in the steps I take toward you; the journey is not always smooth, but the traveling is worth the destination. Let me get lost in You all the time on my way. =)

Thought life.

 A friend of mine just wrote this letter to herself while I was in the process of writing this  entry. Upon getting permission to re-post the letter, I decided it would be an ideal opener to my blog.

Dear Past, Present, and Future Me:
I know that some days that you have rough days and some times on the especially horrific days you can feel hopeless and miserable without any set reason why. Well, I'm  here to inform you that despite having awful days, having a day where you can sit back and say "I love myself" is worth all of those stomach twisting hours of misery. You may not think so in the moment, but when you're feeling at your best you'll definitely understand it. Especially in a moment of strength, you'll feel at the top of the world. You'll make goals in your head and make plans to keep them. You'll feel empowered, and like you're worth something better than anyone could ever imagine. Picture this -- you're sitting on your couch basking in the dimmed light of your living room, a Christmas tree twinkling at your feet and your shadow cascading across the room and into the window. You'll follow this shadow and catch sight of your reflection and you. will. feel. beautiful. You are almost captivated by how neatly your hair wraps around your neck and makes you look graceful. You'll see your cheeks in your reflection, and smile a wider smile. You'll ignore your flaws and focus on what you should be seeing. It is possible, I promise you. It's how you felt when you wrote this letter to yourself at midnight on December 5th, 2010.

On those days where you feel like no one should look at you simply because your face is broken out, or your belly hangs over the waist of your jeans, know that you are still beautiful. You may not be perfect, but you have a wonderful personality and you have many people that love and care for you. You may even wonder why you ever felt sad, but it doesn't matter because in that moment, you'll feel beautiful. You know what? Sometimes, you're going to fail. You're going to get a B on a test, you're going to forget to text someone back, you're going to leave something at home, forget to feed the cat, or leave the laundry in the laundry machine over night. No one loves you less for it, not even your cat. Love isn't measured in the mass of failures you have but in the mass of your heart, and there is no question that your heart is an endless spectrum. But if you get caught up in your failures, you're going to miss a lot of life. So forget when you eat too many calories at dinner, forget that B you got on an exam, forget about how you left the left over pizza out instead of putting it away. Your life is far too short to get caught up in the small stuff.

So, instead of tearing yourself up on the small mishaps, celebrate all of the wonderful things you have in your life. In this moment, you are relishing in the accomplishment of knowing that all of your smart choices are finally paying off. You have a leadership role in your sorority, a stable and caring relationship, a good relationship with your mom and dad, a beautiful apartment, and countless friends who care for you. You made responsible choices ever since you could consciously do so, and the results are already beginning to blossom. Don't be so quick to dispel these things on account of not losing a pound at the end of the week, or not getting the highest grade in class. In the end, no one but you will know that you didn't accomplish those things. They'll remember you for what you did do, and that is care for them and be a positive influence on their life.

Life is hard, there's no doubt about that. You're currently in one of the toughest transitions of your life, but you're doing it gracefully and are an object of admiration. You're an intelligent, responsible, beautiful, and creative woman with endless potential. In fact -- you have a new goal to accomplish in the long run every day. Do you know how incredible it feels to know you can accomplish nearly anything, because there is no negative influence holding you back? Millions of people would kill for that ability, but they are hindered by some force beyond their will. Cherish that gift, and use it to its full potential.

I am proud of you for all you have become. I am proud of you for all of the things you haven't accomplished yet. You're going to be a positive contributor to the world everyday by some means, and that is enough to make you beautiful. The old saying goes -- beauty is only skin deep, and the most physically attractive woman can have an ugly personality that overshadows their physical beauty. So, when the times get tough, as the undoubtedly will, and you become distressed and discouraged remember this moment when you felt at the top of the world. Rain can only last forever, and in order to get the rainbow you have to endure the rain. Love yourself, and others will love you. I have faith in you.

Love, Me as of 12:30 in the morning on 12/5. (Kady Boyd)

I'm not going to lie--Sometimes when I'm alone, I talk to myself. I rarely have anything of real importance to say, but I say things anyway. I bet if you're honest, you would admit the same. Maybe you don't do it often, but I bet you have before. And we all know the things we come up with in our private thoughts. But even when I am alone, I wouldn't speak out loud half of the things I have thought to myself. This inward dialogue is one of the most intoxicating forms of ego-building deception, or sometimes, the most powerful and soul-searching honesty. With just a few words, you can lie or tell the truth. With just a few inner thoughts, you can feed your soul with either positive or negative; either love or hate.

One of my biggest misconceptions in life--and still an obstacle, even though I know it is a false idea--is the idea that I know myself best, and that my innermost thoughts are not heard by anyone but myself.

Yes, I said that right. You may think you are the person who knows the most about yourself, you may think no one else knows what you are thinking. But because of my belief in God, and because of what I know from the Bible to be true, these ideas are not accurate at all. The truth is that God knows more than we ever will about who we really are; God knew the intricate details of our souls before He even created us.

        You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
        Psalm 139:16

        Hebrews 4, verses 12 and 13 tell us, "For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable."

In my quiet times with God lately, He has been showing me so much of his personality and creativeness. I am often left speechless and completely in love with who He is.
One of the cool things about the word of God that I've recently been discovering is how there are so many instances in the Bible when God records personal thoughts of human beings, things they never actually spoke out loud. How can that even be possible if God is not able to know our thoughts? Therefore, it's pretty clear that God knows the things that are going on even in the spirit of our mind. To me, this fact leaves me awe struck. It's a little daunting to think about at first, and then it sinks in that God knows everything about me, and still loves me more than I will ever fully understand. It leaves me asking, HOW GOD? And WHY?

I'll write out some of the verses so that you can see for yourself:

    Genesis 17:17
    Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. "How could I become a father at the age of 100?" he thought. "And how can Sarah have a baby when she is ninety years old?"

In the verses leading up to this, God has just made a promise to Abraham that he will give Abraham and his wife Sarah a son which will have many descendants, and not only that, but Kings of nations among them. Abraham's very human reaction of doubt and only seeing the impossibility of the situation in his mind is not only heard by God, but also recorded in His Word. How foolish I would feel if I read a list of every thought of my own in which I had doubted God! But whether or not I can recall each of those times, or see them written down, I know God has heard them. Ugh!

    1 Kings 12:26
    Jeroboam thought to himself, "Unless I am careful, the kingdom will return to the dynasty of David."

This one is so cool to me! Because at this point in Jeroboam's life, God was restoring the very thing Jeroboam was trying to control. Even as God was powerfully at work in the nation which He placed under Jeroboam's short rule, while Jeroboam turned his back on God and believed that he [Jeroboam] was in control, God was listening to his innermost fears with care, and even recorded some in his Word. Another thing I myself am guilty of, and would hate to see a list of.

Esther 6:6
So Haman came in, and the king said, "What should I do to honor a man who truly pleases me?"
Haman thought to himself, "Whom would the king wish to honor more than me?"

When you read this verse along with the surrounding story leading up to and just after this conversation between king and king's official, it is very interesting. To catch you up, Haman is a power-hungry man with some very evil schemes, and he has recently been promoted by the king to be the most powerful official in the empire. So right now, Haman is sitting pretty with his head in the clouds and thinks to himself, "Who else would my king want to honor but me?" I don't think you could be more conceited and proud if you tried! But if you read the whole passage in context, you find out that the person the king really wants to honor is Haman's enemy, Mordecai. So Haman's pride and greed end up getting him into a very humbling situation.

There are plenty of other instances in the Bible when God records a persons thoughts, but this blog is already turning into a novel, and I have a lot more to cover, so I'll leave it with these three. So let's recap, of the thoughts shared above, what are the emotions and feelings behind them? Anything positive?  Nope. Human minds are filled with all of the above (Fear, doubt, pride, and greed.), not to mention quite a few other things.

I tend to believe that if I am kind to others, if I show love to others, but allow unkind, unloving thoughts towards myself, then I am not breaking any rules in the realm of "being a good Christian", or wasting my efforts in building a stronger foundation in my faith walk with God. As long as I am presenting Christ in my attitude to everyone else, it's alright to neglect the same attitude within myself. My thoughts are my own, and my self-talk is unimportant in my reflection of Jesus.

I have been hearing other peoples' stories of the struggles they are going through or things they have overcome, and the recurring theme of every person's most vivid and taxing gaps between the life they have/the person they are, and life they wish to have/the person they want to be, are their innermost thoughts; Our self-talk is more powerful--not only that, but also more dangerous--than we realize. It's addictive, and when unleashed, completely crippling. I see the evidence in my own life. Even if I had every other part of my mind completely void of all things negative, if I am still negative towards myself, I am missing the whole point, and seriously interrupting the process of ever becoming more like Christ.

In Ephesians 4: 22-23, Paul says "Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

In 1 Corinthians 13, when Paul poetically and profoundly writes about love, he doesn't specify only "love towards others", but states "love" in its entirety, to all, including the beholder, even if that means learning to love yourself.

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."

There is a second side to that second commandment, because in order to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself.
Jesus said it, so it must be important.

Think of it this way, God knows you even better than you know yourself, and HE loves you. So there's got to be a way for you to learn how to love yourself.
So take a little time each day to remind yourself of who you are in God's eyes. Write down or think about the things you like about yourself, talk to yourself and say something nice. Read 1 Corinthians 13 all the way through and ask yourself how often your innermost thoughts reflect that love towards yourself? And then work to change it.

Too much of a good thing.

"You shall have no other gods before me."

[The first commandment.]

I'm not a "list person", but I know some people who will write lists for pretty much any occasion. For whatever reason, certain things just gnaw at you until you write them down in sequence. So I've heard. :)
As every list serves a purpose--whether important information to keep in order, or just to clear the list-maker's brain of clutter-y things--I can pretty much figure that each list would begin with some thing from on the forefront of their mind; something of priority to them. After all, you don't just start with the shopping list with the things which aren't needed for the recipe you have in mind, or begin the to-do list with the least necessary things. You start from the basics, the needs.

Try to ask yourself for a moment, "What would be the single most important thing to the Almighty Creator, if he were to create a list of importance?" Would you attempt to design some glimpse of it with your own imagination?
Or would you assume just not think about it?

No matter. Lucky for us, God wrote those things down for us a long time ago, and they are just as true now as they were when he wrote them. We can define our roles, in regard to his greatest "lists" of direction for us, based on clear instructions from his Word.
To be clear, they definitely are rules for our lives, not mere suggestions. In the case of his commandments, for instance, it would be considered more of a "Things-NOT-to-do" sort of list.

God does give us a choice. Obey or not, they remain the same. He remains the same. His wrath and decrees also remain the same today as they did back then. You can disobey, but if you do the consequences are far greater, and deeply out-weigh, the advantages we may temporarily gain by ignoring Him. Sure, you can self-indulge and pretend He never warned you, but it remains the same that He has indeed warned.

In view of all of the above, how does this first commandment apply to a modern-day believer who isn't necessarily going out and creating or worshiping idols in their backyard, or joining a local cult?
I'm not putting myself on a pedestal by any means when I say that I am definitely not about to worship another god other than my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, or by saying that I honestly would never consider joining a cult.
Does that put me above a believer who has experienced or thought about either of those things? Absolutely not. But then how do I apply this in my life?

I'm not sure how certain this theory is, but it's my thought that in today's world, in our American culture, in my own home, there are more opportunities to commit idolatry than in nearly any pagan biblical culture we read about in God's word. Why? Because we have about fivehundredbazillion more forms of distractions than any of the people then ever did. Sure they had plenty, more than was good for them, obviously. But look around you; in my own living room (okay, technically my brother's house, so HIS living room) I see about a hundred things which I could easily become more interested in, at any given moment, than in knowing my heavenly Father more. How pathetic my human mind is. I can be so aware of God's goodness, I can understand for a moment my tiny grasp on how wonderful and great He is, and the next moment I can actually feel it all slipping away, because I am suddenly more interested in something else to satiate me instantly.
As Paul explains it in Romans 7:15, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

Every thing in this life can be used as a tool for good or for bad.
Some interests and desires have absolutely nothing wrong with them, until they become something we say we can't let go of.
Our gratification in this lifetime is so temporary and faint in comparison to God's kingdom awaiting us, and yet we can feel so enthralled with something that it consumes us.
In moderation, what you like, what you do, what you feel, what you think--with the assumption that it, whatever "it" is, does not disregard Scriptural truth--is certainly not bad. God is happy in our pleasure from every blessing and and opportunity he allows us to have in this lifetime. (Ecclesiastes!)
However, "God's voice will never tell us to engage in any activity or relationship that is inconsistent with the Holy Scriptures."  *Charles Stanley
Much attention to balance and discretion is required of us in order to fully appreciate & obey God's will in these things.

As with any good thing,
too much is never enough,
and too much of a good thing is never a good thing.

Idolatry, then, to the modern-day believer, is not in the simplistic and generalized form of golden statues placed on the mantel above a family's fire place. It doesn't stay with just a few narrowed down options; maybe a picture of a person's hero hung by the staircase which they look at everyday for good luck, or a clock in the shape of the sun, or a cow, or some random thing of nature, hanging on the kitchen wall, and to which someone prays on a daily basis, or any other form of superstitious imagery. While those things are by all means unnecessary, and even if they weren't, could very well become excessive--We cannot stop there and say, "I don't do those things, so I have never committed idolatry."

Look inside yourself and be as honest as you can about every thing in your life that consumes your thoughts, your heart, & your attention; is it all God-honoring, biblical, & self-less?

Not to discourage, but it can't all be. Our human nature won't allow it, and the Bible tells us that no one except God is righteous.

Idolatry in our lives could be, and is,

                                                                  anything.
                                                 Anything we put above, or before God.

People, relationships, friendships, habits you build with certain people, emotions towards certain people; these can be blessings in our lives, but can also blind us into reverence towards the wrong outlets of our adoration. Something that could be called "accidental idolatry", but in my opinion, holds us up to just as much responsibility as any other form of distraction, if not more
.
Passions, interests, careers, wealth, possessions, studies, intelligence--All can become consuming distractions in our life through personal greed and ease of comfort. (Along with billions of other things! ...Hey, what do 'ya know, I just made some lists.)

Matthew 6:24 says that "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Romans 1:18-32 is one of the best descriptions of completely inexcusable idolatry, and punishment of abandonment, indifference, confusion, and what seemed to be injustice to those being persecuted, based on that sin. It's a tough passage to read, so I narrowed in on one particular verse, which I felt sort of summed up the paragraph.
Verse 25 says, "They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen."

Colossians 3:5b says, "Don't be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world."


If at some point you would regard any of those things listed above (but obviously not limited to those things) as higher priority than building your relationship with Jesus Christ, listening to the Holy Spirit, or worshiping the Father, you have undoubtedly discovered how easily idolatry can find you, burn you, and blind you.
Idolatry is not just acts of worship towards objects, idolatry is attitude, feelings, and thoughts which are tinged with obsessiveness; Actions out-lined with disregard for God and more interest in self-desire than in changing into who God wants you to be. To esteem something you want, or want to do, as more entertaining or necessary than what God has already out-lined for you as appropriate, is to commit idolatry against the name of the one true God.

It is no mystery to me why God would warn us about this issue first on his list for us. He must know something about the tricks of our sinful nature, combined with the skillful tactic's of Satan, which even the obviousness of this warning doesn't show us. Maybe He's protecting us from the full-knowledge of it, or maybe we are just not capable of comprehending the magnitude of His hand in our lives in order to spare us from those conniving intentions Satan would have for us instead. Either way, to take for granted the simplicity of what God has offered us, to forsake his warnings for our own greed, is just about the worst move we could make. God is (or should be) the single most important part of our life here on earth. He doesn't share us, he doesn't want to or have to. He is the only God, nothing and no one else deserves our adoration more. One huge reason behind His command to have no other gods before Him is so that we will simply understand that He is IT. You don't need anything beyond Him.

He is my one and only.
    
                                Is He yours?


                               

Dust.

For something different, here's a poem I began to write some time ago, and never could put it together quite right ...until now.
Dust.

It is a daunting idea; to be oneself, but not.
Breath in lungs, but still not sure of life.
A star, a galaxy, a universe full; dust, rocks, gravity.
We are powerless.
I will never know how to be God's critic without the answers.
I know what man has taught, I know those laws and I can feel their proof,
But what can I do with that?
I can't move.

Bracing oneself against wind and rain and wrath and force;
I have been created thus.
We use nerves and tongues to curse You--
Braver than we ever should be--
Any of this could vanish because You choose to speak.
Why can't we see You in everything?
Everything, everything;
Dust, or salt, if You would just think it.

I have wrestled thoughts in magnitude,
to run, to hide, to be proud of who I am.
Excuses to sort through.
I am nothing without You.
Brick upon brick upon brick,
Walls to climb up, up, up.
But shattered, I fall on bruised knees.
And through cracks I feel the light touch my skin, my face, my hands.
Is this what they call grace? It is.

As my heart beats, as my lungs expand and decrease,
I could care less what else my existence means;
I have felt MY God.
Creator of all, Savior to all, Lord of my life.
Nothing my own mind or heart or soul could create or dream.
Heaven's light in my eyes, I blink.
Awake in a new way, conscious of my sin, but forgiven.
You call to me, "Child, come close. Be still and know that I am God."
I lean on You. I love You.
I know you are more real than anything else.