Last night I was talking to some of my friends about our relationships with God. Some of our questions were things like:
What has changed in the last year between you and God?
What has God done for you?
What are some things you do that keep you in step with God?
At one point during our dialoging, the thought was offered that in order to be successfully experiencing God, we have to be ready to endure the things which end up revealing him to us, as well as revealing him to others through us. We have to be willing to invest in him, and alter ourselves to be more like him, so that he seeps out of our lives, into the lives of others.
Years ago, there was a time when I was uninterested in everything that God and the Bible stands for, and I was not easily persuaded to think or feel any differently. Don't think for a second that I never faced doubt, or that I never had a chance to choose the alternative to belief in my God. It's not that I haven't questioned it; I have questioned. I have fought it, and there was no chance that church, or Christianity itself would have ever caught my attention long enough to truly create a change of heart. I have not been fooled by any organization, by a system of rules and laws, or brain washed into wasting my time with a god who doesn't exist. Instead, this is what happened: As I was losing my interest and walking out on God, he re-introduced himself to me in a way that I couldn't deny. It wasn't that he suddenly proved himself to me, it wasn't that I suddenly understood, and I honestly can't fully explain the transformation in myself between then and now, but I do know without a doubt that he is very real, very alive, and very powerful. He appeals to my soul's every desire, he draws me to him, and having now recognized the power of his life within me, I cannot return to any other thing for that ultimate satiation. Despite myself, I have fallen in love with God. It's not because it always made sense to me, I am merely responding to the charm of the Almighty here and now in my life, and I will never, ever be able to turn back.
I have heard the expression many times: God is all about relationships.
The point of having God in our life is not for a set of rules or to ritually worship him. It's not about being good enough, or getting better, or being fixed: God longs for restoration of his relationship with us, and has provided a way to reconcile us to him, so long as we will desire him back. He only asks us to react to him, not to reach him on our own. All of it is merely for glorifying him.
I've always thought of this explanation as a kind of feel-good idea about God; It's far easier to consider him when it sounds so simple.
My friend Mandy shared last night that she has heard this expression before, but it had never connected to the perception she has of actual relationships with other people here on earth. Every relationship requires investment and sacrifice. A getting-to-know-you phase, then learning what it means to care for and respect someone, then committing yourself to that person. Sometimes not in that order, but regardless, there is definitely always a method of developing intimacy with other people. This applies to friendships, relatives, and significant others alike. You have to give part of yourself for the sake of the other, there has to be a two-way contribution to call it a relationship.
I too had never fully connected what that meant, and as I examined this new found ideation, I reflected on what my parts in other relationships look like, and I caught something I had never perceived before about my relationship with God:
Calling the bond between me and God a relationship is not just a way to make it appear more personal, or effortless. In fact, calling it a relationship implies more need for scrupulousness than defining it as commission of some religion. Viewing this restored bond as more than just salvation from some far off hell, or a duty to honor some far off God, suddenly engages more responsibility on my part than just saying, yeah, I believe in God. It's no longer about what I have to do, or what I shouldn't do. It's about choosing to participate in this relationship because I long for the results. I yearn for more of God, I want to know him, the same way I want to get to know my friends. That's what it's all about.
As I learn more about others, I learn more about myself. When I see the things in other people that I admire or dislike, I also discover things about myself worth keeping, the things I am willing to stand up for, and also the things I need to compromise for someone else's sake. I appreciate and value certain people enough to change, others I don't, or else it takes time. Likewise, as I get to know God more and more, I am constantly being shown exactly what about myself I can tolerate in his presence, and what things I need to seriously extricate from my life. He is the single most important thing about my life, and he is the only one who could ever cause me to genuinely apply the guidelines of living as his child to my life.
Some people find their significance in what their lifetime on this earth will bring them--whether it be looks, talents, relationships, careers, intelligence, money, or politics, and the like--which I once could have done as well. But I can no longer consider these things the most opulent options for bringing my life significance. With only 22 years worth of experiencing people, and I have only experienced a small number of various relationships and friendships in my short lifetime, I am already unsatisfied by the temporal situation that consists of trying to please and be pleased. There is a constant feeling that we're owed something, and while I know my journey with this part of life is not complete, not hardly, it is so unfulfilling at times. Recently though, I have been feeling a dire appreciation for the process of knowing others. Even more importantly, the process of knowing God. I have discovered His magnificence, and I have discovered who I am allowed to be because of his grace in me. This is why I seek to be different. It's what gives me a reason to try, and gives me the ability to succeed in genuinely loving others.
I am so very blessed, and so very happy with my life. Not because my life is anything exceptional (because it's definitely not), but because I am at peace in my Father's love. I am not seeking some form of comfort because in him I have comfort that is almost burdensome to attempt feeling, because it is so overwhelmingly complete.
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