Testimony of Christ in me.

I'm learning that who I am through Christ is more important than who I am without Him. It's the most freeing thing I've ever experienced; nothing else could ever satiate my heart, mind, and soul. I don't want to bother people who don't want to know Him, but I'm not willing to keep the most important thing I will ever know, a secret. If you don't want to know anything else about this topic, stop reading now.

If I could cure illnesses, I would tell everyone. If I could cheat death, I would tell everyone. If could teach joy and love, I would. If I could give away contentment and happiness, I would. But I can't do those things.

What I can do is talk about my Savior, who came to rescue us from ourselves, and our tragic fate on earth. He isn't magical, but He is powerful, and He is love. He brings freedom from fear of life or death, and purpose beyond your wildest imagination. He gives us more than we could ever give back. He guarantees his love to those who choose to acknowledge Him and adore Him for who he is.

Yet we waste time on the non-guaranteed, and we risk everything on anything else, just to hide from Him. So we can say we are in control, and we did it all ourselves. We seek the here and now in place of seeking the hope found in Christ, or hope in anything, for that matter, because "here and now" is tangible, and hope feels like wishful thinking. (Until you've experienced it in the magnitude of Christ.)

The truth is: the things we do are never enough. The lives we build are temporary, everyone is destined to die, and nobody knows exactly what comes after death. People live in fear, seeking anything they can get their hands on to comfort them while they wait for the scary unknown. Happiness is the word people use to describe whatever else they feel in between the fear. Love is just something we think we feel, and it is VERY conditional and limited. People get lonely, feel lost, suffer pain, face addictions, illnesses, death. It's really tragic, and we cannot save ourselves from it, no matter how hard we try.

That's where Christ comes in, He does what we can't do for ourselves. When you know Him, when you encounter the Living God, your Creator, you don't just feel better, you are brand new. You can't go back from this kind of genuine, unconditional, non-fearful, unlimited, eternal; love.

If you've never felt it or known it, you can't possibly know what you're missing out on, but that's why people who know Him should be telling everyone they know, what it's like. Because it really is important, and valid to existence. Not just now, but in eternity. Not just to get you out of hell one day, but also to save you from the "hell" on earth that every man, woman, and child has to face in some form or another.

Christ is not just about going to church, being good enough, getting out of hell one day, saving other people, feeling validated, finding purpose, or other reasons people come up with to make Christ who they want him to be. Knowing Him is what it takes to reconcile ourselves to God, to reconnect with the very thing we were created to do. Knowing Christ means finding grace and truth, and not wanting to let go of it for anything else. The purpose of God is not to fit Him into our lives, but to let him fill our lives until our lives reflect and glorify Him.

It's not about any of us. It never was. It's always been about the God of the universe. He was and is and is to come. He made us, to be with him and glorify His name. There's so much more going on than we are aware of, and Christ came to make us aware of it.

Please don't ignore him, whatever you do. You're missing out if you do, in more ways than you'll ever realize.

Florence Ann.

"April 15th, 2011

Today my Grandma turned 82. My mom and I made the 4 hour (at least) drive to visit her and celebrate her birthday and her life up to this point. We left early enough to arrive just in time to have lunch with Grandma and some other family members, and then visit for a while.

During our time here we were privileged enough to sit in on a special 16th anniversary party at the home where she is staying. I don't think it was a coincidence that her birthday and this particular event intertwined for a day, nor the fact that we got to be here for it. The administrator, Dee, held a special service for all of the residents, and I was blown away by how well she knew all of the residents so well. She brought each person to the front of the room and sat them in a chair of honor, as she spoke affectionately about them, as if they were part of her own family. She accurately described each person's individual talents, personalities, and unique presence that they bring to the home to make it feel like a home.

I wasn't really expecting to enjoy the ceremony, if I'm being honest, but I was taken back by how cool it was to learn about each of these people's lives. Hearing about the fun stories and liveliness everyone contributes to the home made me feel less anxious about being surrounded by the "much older and wiser" crowd, which I will admit is my typical feeling around people who are more advanced in age. :) I usually can't help but wonder if they're all happy with who they are, and satisfied with their lives, and things like that. It gets me thinking about my own life, and wondering if I will be satisfied when I reach that age, or if I will ever really be ready for when that day comes, if it does come. As Dee spoke, I listened to the diversity of people in the room, and all the great things that everyone loves about them. I tried to guess what she would have to say about my Grandma, and then it dawned on me that I knew exactly what she was going to say.

My Grandma is one of the few people I know who genuinely and unconditionally loves people, especially her enormous clan of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Not to mention the bountiful mix of other relatives to fill her time thinking about. She has always seemed to have such an extraordinary understanding of how precious time is, and has always cherished spending her time with her family, or thinking about her family, or praying for them. So this afternoon when Dee told the room how blown away she was the first time she realized how consumed my Grandmother's mind was with prayers and adoring thoughts for her family and friends, and even more so, how spiritually minded she was, and how that love for God shines out of her like sunshine, I was not surprised even for a second. I knew she was right, and I was completely in awe of how my Grandma had found this day, the first day of her eighty-second year of life, with such amazing success, in my opinion. How incredibly blessed she has been to have had a life of faith, and to have been constantly surrounded by an abundance of family members who truly love her.

I heard Dee's words with a certain amount of pride in my heart to know that I was the Granddaughter of the amazing woman sitting in the chair at the front of the room, and it became clear to me that if I ever get to a point where I am half as blessed as my Grandma has been, I would be content. And I am so grateful that I was born into a family so held together by that faith and love, which she is a fantastic example of."

About two months have gone by since I wrote that note in my journal. Two very short months ago my Grandma was not so bad, not great, but she was still so aware, and alive, and happy. I talked to her, and she asked me questions about my job and things. We all ate lunch and laughed together, and we all took her for a walk outside. As she held onto my arm while we walked, I remembered all the times we had walked hand-in-hand down her long driveway at the farm in Meriden when I was a little girl, only then I wasn't the one holding her up, it was her pulling me along. The breeze outside carried the smell of her sweater to my nose, and it smelled exactly like I remembered. There's something charming and magical about that sweet smell of my Grandmother's sweaters.

Now that we are nearing the time to say "good-bye", it is bittersweet to recall these things. I love thinking on it, but it makes me sad to know that soon those memories will be all I have left of her. It is a true heartache to try to face the "good-bye" part of life, but it is almost unbearable to watch someone you care about be in the state of health my Grandma is in now. Right now our entire family is praying for her to be able to go "home" quickly, and I know God has things under control. For those of us who have chosen to believe in, and commit our lives to Christ, I know this good-bye is temporary until it's our turn to go to heaven to be with the Lord. And I know that the same memories about Grandma that make our hearts sing now, will only intensify as we come together to meditate on the wonderful life she had, and the blessings of all that she was to everyone she knew. She has been the glue to hold this family together for 60 years, her life and her example of marvelous faith and love will be carried on through every child, grandchild, and great-grandchild who experienced her authenticity throughout those many years.